Happy (Music) Friday

The Lumineers just make me happy when I hear them - dirty hipsters. (wink)

Toy Shopping with Toddlers

It should really be a reality show.

Our girls were given $10 Toys'R'Us giftcards by their grandparents as stocking stuffers back in December. We hold onto a lot of things likes this. Generally, because our kids are already suffering from uncontrollable body tremors as they bounce from one Christmas present to the next...like hummingbirds on acid.

So, we tucked said cards away for a "rainy day."

That rainy day came this past weekend. It's cold here in WY . There's lots of snow and 'windy' would be an understatement. I've seen the iconic images of Marilyn from The Seven Year Itch and let's be honest, if you even attempt to wear a dress in this weather, your skirt is over your head and you have second degree frost bite. Not to mention that the wind chill makes a balmy 17 fell like a rather crisp -20.

Needless to say, we don't get to play outside for a good portion of the calendar year and my toddlers get restless, stir crazy, grumpy...they basically start to hate life. And in all honesty, the hubs and I aren't far behind.

So, we head down to Colorado any chance we can get. Whether it is with the sole purpose of perusing the Whole Foods or wanting to try a new pub...we pretty much reserve all "fun" funds to be spent out of state.

So, with toddler-life-hating rearing it's ugly head, we planned a day of play cafes, book stores, toy shops, yummy lunches, and Whole Foods meandering.

We started off at Whole Foods. Meandering complete in 10 minutes. Micro brews purchased in about 20 minutes. Tots losing their stuff all over the place in less than five minutes.

So, with the natives restless, we headed to the play-cafe...because Tots must be appeased to make the rest of this crazy plan work. This place is awesome. Granted, we have to drive 45 minutes to get to it, but it offers yummy food, good coffee, and endless indoor play for your kiddos. The hubs and I switched-off watching kids and using the free WiFi. As an aside: I was amazed at the number of parents who chose to completely ignore their children. I'm all for giving my kids "room," but when your kid is begging me to watch them slide and you don't even look up...you're doing something wrong.

After an hour of the girls losing their minds (in a good way), we head out for lunch. Which started with french fries and ended in a dessert that our 3-year-old shamelessly and unreservedly inhaled.

Now comes the toy store...or Dante's seventh circle...

Has anyone else ventured in on this madness? Allowing your young children to choose their own toy? It is right up their with eye-gouging.

We looked at EVERY aisle. Did not utter one opinion on toy selection...just clarified price and actual purchasing "ability." We held our breath as the girls walked down aisles of Barbies and Bratz. We used time-honored parental guerilla warfare tactics of distraction.

"Yes, that Barbie is interesting....LOOK A STUFFED HORSE!"

"Oh, that is Calliou....HEY IS THAT A ROCKET SHIP!?"

Our girls finally landed on a miniature stuffed monkey and two little Olivia play sets. We were pretty happy with those choices.

Our girls don't actually own (m)any licensed character toys.  Clara had somehow come to obtain a small Dora doll that was quickly lost and now, of course, they own a family of plastic pigs (Olivia and her family).

However, I love Olivia as a character and I love the original Olivia books (those written by Ian Falconer...not the books published under the Nickelodeon banner). They make me smile. Falconer works in a bit of sophisticated wit and humor, while presenting a strong, interesting, curious girl.

We tend to stray away from pre-made character toys (Disney princesses, cartoon characters, etc) because it seems to stifle imagination. All of the sudden - that toy can only be named ONE name and only participates in a series of pre-fabricated scenes and interactions. When we purchase toys that are pretty vague an generic the toys become ANYTHING our girls want them to be...and that's really fun thought process to watch.

The girls were so excited about their new goodies that they fell sound asleep on the way home (SCORE!) and 45 minutes later dove into making the pig family at home in our house. They haven't stopped playing with them since - especially our littlest.  She basically hoards them all in a little people school bus and takes them with her wherever she goes.

So, what kid toys do you love (or not so much love)?

Less Words Wednesday

“Life is short. Never miss an opportunity to perfect your own humanity.  Love is simple.  In fact it is all that we truly have.  It binds us.  It makes us who we are.  It is not the coat that keeps us warm, it is love.  Give what you can.  Do what you must. Be more human.”

Why I am the worst...

To talk to when it comes to miscarriage.

This is gonna be heavy. As a warning, many people responded positively to this article. I did not. I have my updates to further clarify my position in red.

Sorry.

This is my reaction to an article that has been floating along the inter-tubes. It talks of WHY someone who calls themselves "Pro-Life" should view miscarriage with the same gravity and mourning as they would abortion. It offers a few examples of how pro-lifers tend to send mixed messages about the worth of life in these two very different losses.

Specifically, that when babies are aborted people tend to count the loss as "greater" than that of a baby who has been lost via miscarriage. The evidence that she gives is that people she knows said "unfeeling" or "stupid" things after her miscarriage. From here she really does take GIANT LEAPS in assuming the general opinion of all pro-lifers when faced with miscarriage. Perhaps, she is writing a very pointed blog post to specific people who have hurt her. This is dangerous...because in essence her article berates an entire advocacy group.

Let's get a few things out there before I dive into this subject.  I have had two miscarriages. They occurred within months of one another. I actually miscarried our second pregnancy on the due date of our first...which I miscarried days before my birthday. Miscarriage is a reality in our family.

I miscarried our first baby in full knowledge of our social circle - surrounded by friends and family. I miscarried my second babies completely isolated from friends and family, thousands of miles away - no one knew we were pregnant to begin with, so sharing the loss with those we love was even more painful.

People said stupid stuff. Because people are people and most of the time people are trying, but in the end are ill-equipped to say things that are not stupid. If you are looking for comfort from people, you will always be disappointed. Always. If you are looking for people to say wise things and understand how it feels, then you are setting yourself up to be offended and hurt. Because no one knows how YOU feel and very rarely can they say the "right" thing.

One person saying the wrong thing doesn't give the author the right to imply that all pro-lifers do not value the lives of miscarried babies as much as aborted babies. 

To note the obvious (again), most pro-lifers aren't saying that miscarried babies don't matter or that they matter less. A pro-lifer's very existence, however, is to fight against abortion and to stand up for aborted babies. That's kind of their thing.

Pro-lifers have talking points and statistics and a knowledge base to work with when it comes to talking about abortion. The general response when a baby is lost via miscarriage is (if we're honest) "That Sucks." We don't have talking points on miscarriage and therefore, unless having gone through it, the general populace has no source of information or understanding to pull comforting one-liners from.

I'm gonna go ahead and put this out there:

Abortion is more tragic than miscarriage. I'm fairly sure the original author would agree with me.

Namely, because if you are pro-life, you view abortion as a mother CHOOSING TO KILL her child. That is tragic. And if you think it is less tragic than miscarriage...then, I am sorry, you are wrong.

Child-sacrifice...to the god of  self and convenience is pretty much on ALL levels harder to swallow than miscarriage. The injustice of abortion leads many (including myself) to mourn murdered babies MORE...

Miscarriage isn't a cake walk. Please, do not misunderstand me. It's not easy. But there is a comfort in knowing that my babies passed away, were mourned, were wanted, and that yes, were NEVER going to be born. I am comforted knowing that they were loved, cared for, and fought for.

I didn't choose to abort a healthy fetus. I miscarried a baby...and God knew it was going to happen before I even came into being. I find comfort in that.

I'm not saying my babies' lives matter less...I'm saying they LIVED the life that God had laid out for them and that it was not brought to a premature end and that their lives were full of LOVE. Devil's Advocate could argue the same point for aborted babies and that could lead to an interesting discussion, but that's not my motive here today.

My motive in writing is to say:

Dear Momma's Who Have Never Gotten to See Your Babies,
It's okay for you to mourn. It is okay for you to grieve. You will never meet your babies in this realm and there is a sadness to that. Your loss (that of someone you loved and lost) should never be compared to the mass murdering of millions of babies every year. Never. Not by others and not by YOU. If you feel a need to do that, then you need to get over your bitterness. You are still struggling with some very strong (and misdirected) emotions if you feel the need to berate others who stand up as a voice for murdered babies. I'm sorry that miscarriage doesn't get more "air time" or "coverage" in the pro-life world, but there is a reason. One is natural loss and the other is murder. There is a difference and the latter is infinitely more tragic.

Let It Go

The web has been abuzz with everyone's take on Let It Go (sung by Idina Menzel, written by Kristen Anderson-Lopez and Robert Lopez) featured in Disney's surprisingly not-princess-crazed-animated-feature, Frozen.

I have issues with princesses. Specifically Disney Princesses. I think they are stupid poor role models. If you want to tell me that my little girls have something to learn from Ariel, I'm willing argue at length on EXACTLY what worldly and entirely incorrect LIE most Disney princesses are wanting you to believe. 

So...if you still think of yourself as a princess...just go ahead and stop reading now. 

Back to the point.

I've heard that Frozen has a surprisingly NOT Disney take on princess life. I have not watched it. My kids aren't so much into feature films yet (thank goodness), but friends I respect have enjoyed it and have good things to say...except when it comes to this song. 

I've listened to the song in question: Let It Go.

Here is my take. 

As a song writer - This song is darn catchy. It hits the emotional note necessary for the point in time that it is featured in the film.  It sends a broader message to the listener while moving the plot along which means that it will find commercial success outside of the movie. Songwriters like to get paid...and commercial success is equivalent to CHA-CHING!

This is why Phil Collins's You'll Be In My Heart (Tarzan) saw more radio play than I Just Can't Wait To Be King (Lion King). 

No offense folks, but Disney is trying to SELL things, not raise your kids. If it were up to Disney...every girl would let it all go and there would be no rules. Because rules mean self-control and discipline and credit limits. And people who have these things don't buy into the big 'ol lie that all us princesses get everything we want. Folks who have these things don't thoughtlessly and mindlessly spend money at Disney stores, parks, restaurants and at the box office. Lo siento for the bursting of THAT bubble. Disney is just out to create warm-fuzzies so that they will have a life long customer fan.

As a woman - There are aspects of this song that I respond to. I don't have to be ANYTHING that I don't want to be. I don't have to cow to anyone's expectations of what it is to be the "perfect girl." I don't need to hide who I am so that others can be happy. Some rules are stupid and should be broken - mainly referring to societal "rules," norms, and taboos. Why be someone I'm not and live miserably, just to make YOU happy? If my daughters walk away from society's expectations of them and cling to who they are...well, I'm not gonna lose a night's sleep over it. 

As a Christian - There are parts of this that when viewed in the right light...I think are fine. There are some lines about RULES not mattering. Well, some "rules" really do matter....and that's when you stop calling them "rules" and you claim them as beliefs. Hopefully, my girls will never come to the point where our family beliefs don't matter. These beliefs will hopefully be part of their formation as humans. 

But let's say my girls do run away from these beliefs and "rules" and live without regarding them. Well, Frozen still does a good job of showing the dire consequences of Elsa's rebellion. I mean, doesn't she end up causing some major damage to everything and everyone around her only finding healing of it all when LOVE enters the equation. I don't know about you...but I'm not bothered by a song that shows how the idea of rebellion can fill us with this crazy, narcissistic feeling of invincibility. I mean, that's how it feels. BUT...rebellion is sin, sin leads to hurt, hurts are only mended by love. And the movie as a whole seems to show the downsides of just "letting go."

Call me crazy, but it sounds like a GREAT jumping off point for some pretty deep conversations with your princesses, right? {I have a friend who has already ventured in on these discussions with her little girl and I think that is AMAZING} 

Clarification: 
This is my take on the SONG...meaning the lyrics. The video of how it all goes down with a complete makeover for Elsa is another story. But, who is really surprised that Disney is teaching girls to let their hair down, dress flashy, show a little skin, and walk like hookers.

Not me.