Kids & Weddings

Welcome to our very first Blog Hop for 2015!

This month we want to help you start the year off by getting organized as you’re planning your wedding or event. Get ready for some great ideas to help you reduce stress and enjoy the planning process as you move along through the blog hop. You may just be starting the blog hop or may have come from 40. Laurie Kuerlemann on Natalie’s Blog Hop. If you get off track at any time, the full lineup below will help you move along from blog to blog so you make sure to see and learn from all of the articles featured here today.

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Hey There.

I am not a wedding or an event planner.

I have planned ONE wedding 10+ year ago. My own. So, god speed, ladies.

I do, however, have kids. They are quite the handful.

I get dirty stares taking them into public places where it should be completely acceptable to act childlike. So, imagine the sweaty, itchy, neurotic mess I become when I envision my children having to sit in a completely silent church whilst a beautiful white-dressed "princess" {the 2-year-old equivalent of Bono} stands dangerously within reach of that glass of communal wine {the 2-year-old equivalent of paint}.

{Oh, those scenarios have never played out in your mind? Well, you probably don't have children.}

These are the crazed faces that can totally take your perfectly planned day off its rails.

Let's visit the angst-ridden tight rope that one must walk during the process of wedding planning that can only be referred to as:

"Children at major events that in no way were designed for young, small, noisy, and possibly poop-covered humans"

It's a working title.

There is one basic question to begin with as the bride {that's you, lucky lady}:

Do you WANT kids at your event? 

Here's the truth, no one is twisting your arm and if they are, cross them off your guest list {unless it is your soon to be mother-in-law because that is just not a good way to start}.

My hubs and I did not invite children to our big day. We were planning on a budget and wanted more cash for music and food. We also didn't know a ton of people with kids. It was an easy call. We did have family children IN the wedding and these kiddos also came to the reception {because we got to call the shots and loved having them there}.

Now, for the advice parts.

If you choose NOT to have children:

Did you think you were going to get out of having to plan for kids? Ha. That's funny.

Make it Clear. Address your envelopes and word your invitations in such a way that there is no misunderstanding: this is a "no kids" event. There are lots of elegant wordings out there that won't come off too harshly.

Don't forget your guests who may be traveling with kids. I'm not saying you should make an exception, but certainly collate and provide a list of possible caretakers in the area OR better yet, hire a childcare worker(s) for the wedding and reception times to stay at the hotel with the kiddos. If your guests are traveling 2000 miles for your wedding and can't bring their most precious cargo along to the big event, be a gem and take the time to do some legwork for them. Again, you don't have kids. Ask around. Churches often have childcare workers {with completed background checks} that they hire for Sunday mornings. Call daycare centers or ask the girl who works in the kid area at your gym {all will have had background checks - HOLLA!} If you just can't seem to make contact, try some of the online services - like Care.com


If you choose to HAVE children at the wedding and or reception:

During the Ceremony {and I say this in all serious} make like Santa, the Easter Bunny, and Elsa from Frozen - Buy gifts for all the little girls and boys, put them in cute baskets, and then "Let it Go."

Kids don't have a long attention span. Do you know what helps? Straight-forward, no-nonsense, Bribery. This is best accomplished in the form of a goodie bag or basket. Be sure to include:

Edible Treats: Gummy Bears or lollipops that can be shoved into their mouths mercilessly. You can also do healthier fruit snacks (mom will thank you), but do avoid chocolate (Mom will straight kill you with dagger eyes when she has to wipe down a well-dressed toddler with chocolate face, hands, feet...it gets everywhere).

Toy: This can be simple. A hot wheels car, a little tub of play dough, a kaleidoscope, a small plastic animal. You just want to make sure that it does't make noise.

Pipe Cleaners: These suckers are brightly colored and easily bendable. They give fidgety kids something to do with their hands. SCORE.

Coloring Book and Crayons: This is pretty self explanatory, but it keeps kids busy and quiet and engaged. You can even get some pictures of you and your fiance and the church and have a custom coloring book just waiting for them.

A Back-Up Plan: Sometimes you have a colicky baby or a two-year-old who is more of a bridezilla than your friend, Marcy {and you know how SHE was}. So, have a little mercy on your guests and see if the venue has a room that can serve as a "cry" room. A lot of churches have these already and they are life savers. If everything is going downhill real quick, mom or dad can scoop up their bundle of joy and make a graceful exit to an already designated, fairly comfortable locale. {Make sure there is good signage and have ushers inform guests with kids as to its whereabouts}

Now.....the Reception:

If it is a formal sit down dinner: WHY ARE YOU INVITING CHILDREN!? If you have little dinner guests, make sure that there are high chairs. Also, crackers, quiet games, and an activity place mat would be appreciated. Kids don't like waiting for their food. And like your Aunt Edna after a few drinks, they will let everyone within screaming distance know it.

If this is a more free-flowing event: Spoil the kids at your wedding with a little play area. It can be a simple kids sized table with books, disposable cameras, paper, crayons, cupcakes, candy, and other kid-friendly food. You can also lay down a beautiful blanket or rug and set toys, puzzles, and board games around it. This just allows them to have an area that is all their own....and it gives mom and dad an "out" if they are unable to entertain lil' Billy for another second. But don't worry, kids love the dance floor and loud music and cake. Your ceremony was probably their personal hell, but your reception is the BEST BIRTHDAY PARTY EVER.

{More Great Ideas}

I can't reiterate this enough: DO NOT STRESS . Something will go wrong that day. It will MORE than likely have nothing to do with that small {poopy} human who can't seem to grasp the concept sacred vows....and will most definitely have everything to do with that one piece of hair that is out of place or that the peonies are more Pepto in shade and less the desired blush color. You will have a meltdown at some point - just like the kids who may or may not be coming to your nuptials.

Happy Planning.

**Please take time to scroll through the complete list for a little special message from me**

The next stop is  42. Melissa Pepin on Natalie’s Blog Hop! Thanks for visiting and I hope to see you again next month!

1. Natalie Bradley at Natalie Bradley Events 

2. Katherine Shorter at Creating Awesomenessity 

3. Kristi Richardson at Bloomed To Last 

4. Chantal Benoit at Chantal Benoit Photographer 

5. Elizabeth Batte at plainjane designs 

6. Andie Freeman  at Andie Freeman Photography 

7. Brenna Fields Taylor at An Elegant Affair LLC 

8. Irene Tyndale at Irene Tyndale Events 

9. Sharon K Hyatt at Weddings with Sharon of Awesome Designs & Weddings 

10. Tessa Marie at Tessa Marie Weddings 

11. Peter Merkle at Chicago Wedding DJs 

12. Anshwa Lewis at SwaLaRue Events 

13. Deborah Ashe at Rev. Deborah Ashe 

14. Angela Christoforo at Elite Wedding and Event Planning 

15. Liz Coopersmith at Silver Charm Events 

16. Amber Peterson at Cheers Wedding & Event Planning 

17. Maggie Evans at Maggie Evans Designs :: handmade bridal couture 

18. N’neka Scruggs at Images by N’neka 

19. Kelly Snyder at Southern Charm Weddings 

20. Cindy Clearwater at Something Blue Virgin Islands 

21. Kimberly Parks at KP Photography 

22. Simone R. Ross at Lil’ Tux N Tiara’s Event Sitters & Entertainment 

23. David Osborne at Sound Insight Productions 

24. Nicole Hill at Flora Bond 

25. Shaun Cox at A D.I.Y. Affair Weddings and Events 

26. Katrina McCullum at Made of Honor Weddings 

27. Sandy Salle at Hills of Africa Travel 

28. Rachel Huntoon  at Ashford Manor Bed & Breakfast 

29. Daphne Simpson at Elite Design 

30. Kishana Highgate at Kishana Highgate Photography 

31. Loraine McCall at Mojica Photography 

32. Teresa Rhodes at Nearly Nesters  

33. Andrea Freeman at Andrea Freeman Events 

34. Nikki Michel at Ciao Bella Weddings 

35. Kelly King at Affordable Wedding Invites by Gossett Printing 

36. Christine Ringuette at Down The Aisle Wedding Planning & Design 

37. Myiesha Antwine at Kiss and Tell Weddings 

38. Ashley Rae at Ashley Rae Events 

39. Laurie Kuerlemann at Platinum Party Events Entertainment, Inc 

40. Lydia Wells at Writer Mom  

41. Melissa Pepin at Melissa Pepin Photography

Follow my blog using the link to the right hand side and you will be entered to win a set of custom coloring pages for your big day. One lucky winner will be announced January 26, 2015. If you don't win, no worries. Contact me if you are interested in custom coloring pages for your wedding - complete with coloring pages of the bride, groom, cake, and venue. MENTION this blog post for 15% OFF!

Lydia is a writer/illustrator/mom who in no way envies you in the planning process, but thank goodness for this informative blog hop. 

Happy {Music} Friday.....Nope. Not Today.

I figured that with yesterday's Shake It Off Battle, you've been "music'd out." I'll resume the whole regularly scheduled program thing next week. Maybe. If I feel like it.

Today, I wanted to talk about Kim Kardashian and her naked body being emblazoned across millions of copies of Paper magazine. If you haven't already seen this - count yourself lucky - I'm sure that you have at least caught wind of it being "a thing." 

Just a few thoughts.

I know a lot of women, friends, men, people in general have read some of my posts about princesses and how as women and very young girls, we are being fed a lie constantly. I've had serious strains in relationships over my views and I've had to defend myself on several occasions. And I am unapologetic 

BECAUSE

Kim Kardashian catapulting to fame via sex video, broken relationships, lots of nude-ish photos, and the basic selling of her body non-stop is just a result of so many of us believing this lie - that our bodies (AKA Beauty) are the only thing we (women) have to offer the world. Everyone wants their shot of fame and how better to do that than (in true Kardashian fashion) get a reality show and sell every little bit of your life. Give it up, ladies.

Women aren't the only ones buying this lie. Obviously, guys are falling for it too. Even when asked why he married Kim, her husband didn't list off anything having to do with her character or her spirit or her mind. I think he basically just said "She was hot." Wow. Kim and Kanye, you deserve each other. Poor North. 

I'll be fair and admit that we can't see everything in their lives - both these folks are selling an image - it's just sad that this is generally to "go to" image that is being sold. Full frontal. No boundaries. No self-respect. 

So, let's take a moment and celebrate some true female greatness. 

Amelia Earhart. 

Mother Teresa

Marie Curie

Charlotte Bronte

You and Me?

There are more awesome women out there (but I'm sipping coffee as fast as I can and trying to get to the gym before 8am - not gonna happen). All of the women pictured above did THEIR thing. They didn't or don't seem to let cultural morays and taboos stand in their way.They don't care what MEN think of them and they certainly don't seem to listen to the critics. 

Kim Kardashian is actually doing all of the above as well....except my examples of feminine greatness don't appear to be selling their bodies. They pursued science, flight, literature, social justice, and motherhood. All really great and honorable things. They all did it with their clothes on (to my understanding) and they all held true to their beliefs and were unyielding (maybe Kim just believes in something much more superficial). 

These are a few of the women we should hold up to our young girls and boys as great examples. But they are not the ONLY great women. These females greats should be peppered in among the mass of strong, REAL women (friends and relatives) that our kids live life with daily. Like Ms. Britt who packs food bags and mentors young mothers still in high school. or Ms. Jessica and Ms. Melissa who are ministering to the people of the Czech Republic. or Ms. Radha who is partnering to revitalize a dying church. or Aunt Beth who stepped away from a career in writing and now home schools and raises her eight children. or Nana who feels like God has her in the classroom to serve kids of active duty servicemen and women. Or Ms. Heather who makes movies. Or Ms. Lyndie who basically sails the money ship of a cancer center. That's a lot of great women...and those are just off the top of my head.  

Our kids need to now what REAL WOMANHOOD looks like. Otherwise we will have girls who view themselves as a commodity and boys who do the same. 

And that is not acceptable.

The "Shake It Off" Battle

I mean, I wish this were a much more interesting battle. Like the Hiphopopotamus vs. the Rhymenoceros.

It's really just more of thought that came through my mind while driving and "Shake it Off" by Taylor Swift cam on the radio. My youngest loves it. Which is somewhat depressing.

Despite the really wacky video...it's a bit vacant. Ms. Swift talks about haters and players and fakers. She hints at her dating life (of course she does). She goes on to kind of tongue in check talk herself up. It's all very "girl power" - if indeed the entirety of a girl's power s seated in her ability to date a lot of guys, be successful, and shake it off  into the arms of a new flavor of the month when she sees her ex with someone new. Very empowering. She also says the  whole OMG thing- which I'm not a fan of. I think it shows a lack of breeding and vocabulary.

Aside: Ms. Swift, you've made millions off a writing songs, but your last two releases have used OMG as a complete "filler." Not cool. Say something meaningful.

It's {the song} is not so much something I want my youngest kiddo singing. However, it's catchy. Darn catchy.

When my oldest was this age, I was jamming to another "Shake it Off" - this one by Florence + The Machine. I remember her asking for it relentlessly. And I gave in without hesitation.

At the time, I thought the lyrics were maybe just a little too heavy for my then two-year-old. The song is about inner demons and having to wrestle with those things in our life that bring us down - whether is were an addiction or self doubt or {fill in the blank}.  While dance-able and catchy it kind of delves into some darker things.

Good 'ol Florence might not have dropped my Lord and Savior's name in vain, but she did say "H-E-L-L" at least once during the song. Still. Darn catchy.

Comparing the two, I think I'd still let my kiddo listen to Florence. I find her honest struggle with the dark times in life much more empowering and realistic and healthy than Ms. Swift's version of shake-it-off-able events.


But - without further ado - for your consideration....

Taylor Swift 

Florence + The Machine

What do you guys think? 

{Dislaimer: Florence + the Machine video DEFINITELY not winning in the child-friendly-video category.....T.Swift wins that one...well, except for the shaking bottoms}

Ma' Girls

I have two girls. Two really great and beautiful girls who enjoy a lot of different things. Building, play fighting, robots, princesses, drawing, painting, and dolls. They like a plethora of stuff and I like it that way.

As a girl who grew up feeling very conscious of her flaws and her "not girly-enoughness" I have had to fight myself at every turn to let my girls be who they are. I resist forcing a bow into their hair. I resist picking out every single outfit. I even resist holding them down while I attempt a ponytail.  I let them be who they are and explore who THEY are. In all their nappy-haired, mismatched glory.

I often lovingly {and jokingly} refer to them as looking "homeless." Please, understand, they look ANYTHING but homeless. They just aren't coiffed and polished. They are more muddy/torn knees and tangled hair in the eyes. It's definitely more Kirk Cobain in style and less Hello Kitty.

So, what am I even writing about?

If you've read my blog, you know that I have kind of a tense relationship with princesses. But please let me clarify that my problem is not with the idea of princesses. They are fairly innocuous, most girls pretend to be princesses, and I consider them just another role from the motley crew of characters that children choose to play act. My issue has mainly to do with the marketing of princesses. The MARKETING of princesses is not innocuous or innocent. It is very much targeted to make your kiddo believe certain "lies" hook, line, and sinker. Well, at least in my opinion.

One of the main lies that all kids are really being fed is what is "girly" and what is "boyish"? And believing this lie (or parents just going along with the marketing teams that are paid millions to keep your kids coming back for more) leads to our kids being pigeon-holed into a consumer identity at a pretty young age.

Now, do I think that boys and girls are categorically different? Yes.

But do I think that the only color options available to girls should be pinks and purples? No.

Do I think that my nephews should be able to play with kitchen toys and not be seen as "girly"? Yes.

Not only are my girls limited in the color palete of ANYTHING that they may want to purchase, they are also slowly being made into little billboards. We went shopping for shoes today and our options were bedazzled, pink, purple, glittered trash shoes. How are girls expected to PLAY in those? Not to mention that almost every shoe option sported some character's face.

I looked over at the boys' selection and what do you think I found? Functional shoes. Way less characters. It's almost like boys should have functional feet & bodies while girls' bodies and feet are more about how we adorn them or, better yet, how marketers can use those bodies to sell stuff.

Many of you may think that I'm overreacting or making a mountain out of a mole hill, but there are much smarter people than me out there making strong cases for how marketing to young children (especially to young girls) is having much larger implications - including the  over-sexualization of  our kids. KIDS.

For really great reads on the subject, The Packaging of Girlhood and Cinderella Ate My Daughter are very thorough.

Do my girls still wear pink. Yep. Do they still play "princess"? Ayup. Do they like bows? Absolutely loathe them. There is still a lot of "traditional girliness" in our midst, but we talk about it ALL the time. Every trip to the store, every commercial, every birthday party - we ask questions, we analyze, and we try to get our girls to see through the dollar signs.

It's gonna be a long road as we continue on this whole raising girls journey and we are certainly not perfect. But I'm really glad that I can reassure my girls that they are girly-enough and absolutely wonderful no matter what they are into wearing or doing.

{Since I know you are all probably curious, we left the store today with some classic Chucky T's - black for the eldest and pink for the little.They both got to pick what would be going on their body, as that is the new rule}

My eldest is also definitely outside "hiking" in our back yard as she wrestles large sticks away from our dog and gives a stirring rendition of "Let it Go."

A Case of the Mundays

Apparently, moving back to an amazing city where my husband has an amazing job and we had an amazing weekend and we have amazing friends DOES NOT mean that we are immune to a harsh "case of the Mundays."

If you're waiting for THAT THING that will make EVERYTHING BETTER. Or if you ascribe to the belief that when every external circumstance falls into place, you're life will finally be the sunset pony ride into the happily ever after unicorn rainbow land...well, this story goes out to you, all my homies.

Let's get a little background.

We've moved. It's been hard (as moving is), but it's been great as we have old friendships to enjoy, old favorite spots to introduce the girls to, and new favorites to explore together. Life at this moment seems full of endless possibility and hope. It's a good place to be.

My little fam enjoyed a weekend of shopping and visiting at TWO different and completely legitimate farmers' markets. It was one of those mornings (Saturday) where we bought that blueberry scone for the girls (even though they had already had breakfast) and we danced to the live music and we chatted and smiled with strangers. We acted like we weren't meeting strangers. We made friends with the local Ethiopian food vendor, Harigu (whose name I am probably butchering). We sat  in our backyard and pretended to be trees and listened to the hubs play the guitar. I mean, it was saccharine levels of annoyingly sweet family goodness.

So, I planned on taking my beautiful kiddos to the Ga Art museum. After such a great weekend, certainly my precious baby-smelling toddlers deserved a trip that (despite recent evidence contrary to the thought) they could totally handle. I went to sleep Sunday night just excited to wake up to the beauty that was my life. Oh, how pride (delusion) comes before the fall (reality).  

5:30 AM Monday. Wake to older daughter crying. Overhear husband calmly talking to her and starting the bath tub. Walk down the hall to check in. Wet bed. Not anything we can't handle. We do have plastic sheets. Strip bed, put linens in wash. Hear baby number two ask to get in the bath. Think nothing of it and go about my business.

5:50 AM Walk back to the bedroom to check on hubs. He's reading. Good morning hug. About to ask how he slept when "Mom! Dad! I pooped on the potty!" Give tremendous cheer and a "That a girl." "Mom! Dad! Clara ... in the bathtub." Can't make out what has happened. Husband and I head to bathroom to check.

Oh. "Clara POOPED in the bathtub." Gotcha. Too early. No coffee. Brain can't really process what I am looking at. Husband and I proceed to laugh hysterically while both daughters develop a growing concern that we have indeed lost our minds.

6 AM Finish cleaning girls' bathroom. Resign myself to not having a magazine clean house for the next 15 years and decide that a "lived in" house is much better.

6:15 Tub-pooper starts coughing. Bed wetter throws tantrum. Tub pooper not eating (her favorite thing). Bed wetter throws another tantrum. Tub pooper throws tantrum resulting in gross nose and more coughing.

Husband and I make telepathic executive decision that trip to museum shall be postponed indefinitely.

We all eat breakfast. Husband gets ready for work even though Tub pooper seems adamant that he not leave and demands a philosophical discussion of the merits of work and labor.

Bed Wetter and Tub Pooper begin begging to watch "Brave" which is apparently the "Make you feel better" movie in our house. I agree with this. I mean, I feel better that I have not been turned into a bear and/or am being chase by a separate angry bear.

7:30 Husband leaves for work - having not been convinced (by yours truly) that today is actually "Let Your Wife Go to the Office in Your Place" Day.

I immediately put on "Brave." Girls request all manner of stuffies, lovies, low-lighting, and momma cuddles.

So very thankful for a case of the Mundays, that life isn't perfect, and that we can laugh our way through it.

How's your Monday going?

Things my children do

Wake up at 5:30am every morning. Without Fail.
Eat raw bread dough (gross).
Throw 30 minute crying fits and then wipe their nose on my clean shirt.
Tell me adamantly that B-U-G spells "Insect."
Talk to me without end.
Drink MY bath water (don't ask).
Think that cups are also acceptable step stools.

Pray honestly.
Love me despite my flaws.
Tell me I am beautiful even when I haven't showered.
Sing songs to one another.
Tell ME bedtime stories.
Hug all the time.

They remind me constantly about the never stopping love of God....

and how I am in no way prepared to answer seemingly simple yet theologically complex questions.

Less Words

For the Love of Sleep

For the past 18 days my children have been waking up obscenely early.

5am with a cup of coffee and some peace and quite is contemplative and respectable. 5am with toddlers is masochistic and unforgivable.

I find myself functioning in a two-hour fog while the girls run around screaming like coke-crazed-hyenas demanding their gummy vitamins, probiotics, and juice cups (I mean, their not demanding narcotics or anything, but my kids live for their daily supplements). Most days, I wring my hands at our family decision to make hot breakfast every day...as it actually has to be prepared. At this unspeakable hour, I would gladly give my children cocoa puffs for just a few more minutes of shut eye.

It helps that I happen to think they are cute. They look just like their dad.

I have no idea how in the world to fix this problem. I've tried keeping them up late, making them go to bed early, deleting naps, adding naps, noise machines, putting them back in their beds, bringing them into our bed, begging, pleading, bribing, weeping.

To. No. Avail.

I shall have to break them.

This week I shall be running my children into the ground physically and mentally. Like ponies. {disclaimer: I know nothing of ponies}

I shall take them for walks and runs whilst forcing them to do long division and sentence diagrams.

I will win.

They shall fall into bed every night being absolutely and positively spent. They shall sleep soundly until at least 6:30am - whereupon, I will gladly make them pancakes or oats...whichever my little ponies request.

For the love of Pete!

Little Girls and Comics

I was a fairly normal little girl.

I played with baby dolls and Barbie dolls. I even came up with an elaborate system of dismembering and organizing Barbie doll body parts so that I could "fashion" the perfect doll for whichever storyline Barbie found herself in that day. For example, an olympic gymnast can't have perma-bent arms. Back handsprings can't happen with bent arms. However, should Barbie decide to go dancing with Ken (obviously celebrating her gold medal win) she's gonna need bent arms for the waltz. It was all pretty obvious to me as a child, but my parents MIGHT have thought I was a sociopath.

Anyhow. I WAS normal.

My sister and I had a really awesome treehouse that my dad built. We played in it for hours on end and even camped out one night surviving a fairly vicious bat attack.

My sister and I went on make-believe adventures in 3 different secret locations in our neighborhood: "the circus" (a dilapidated park where we did back flips off of swings and were in constant danger of tetanus),  "paradise" (a wooded area with what I believe were large boulders and possibly a stream), and my personal favorite, "Lake Little" (a small field at the bottom or our hill where water collected after it rained. Yep, my sister and I would often picnic next to a puddle).

My sister and I even tied sheets together and climbed out of the third story window of our apartment building while my parents were throwing a dinner party...in a foreign country.
 
One of my favorite (and safer) past times was walking with my sister to the bookstore after school. She would peruse TIGER BEAT or TEEN BEAT or TEEN TIGER BEAT. I, however, loved ARCHIE comic books. I was also a fan of GARFIELD and often borrowed my sister's CALVIN & HOBBES.

So, I have a fondness for comics.

My husband. on the other hand, has a LOVE for comics. He loves them. He loves SCI-FI. He loves all things generally geek. And I love him for it.

He has introduced me to Joss Whedon (Firefly & Buffy & Dr. Horrible & Dollhouse & too many awesome accomplishments to really name), Star Trek: The Next Generation (although, my dad was a big fan when I was a kid and I would watch along...so, I really just rediscovered these when we got married), MMORPGs, amazing strategy board games that can last HOURS on end (I will never play Caylus again) and yes, comics.

{I am omitting the fact that my husband introduced me to my beloved Doctor. A mention of him will certainly just lead to the longest tangential aside in all of history and I kind of need to stay on track.}

In my adulted-ness, I realized how much fun these things were - almost as fun as dismembering Barbies. 

Looking back, I don't think I missed out on much as a little girl. I still had imaginary and fantastic adventures. But when we had kids - I wanted my daughters to enjoy these fantastic worlds and stories and imaginary play-lands that didn't necessarily involve Barbies or princesses. Barbies and princesses aren't all bad, but they can limit the imagination.

BUT, it's not like I'm going to introduce our children to Firefly or Dr. Who - space cowboys and time lords may be a bit out of their cognitive reach.

Enter Owly and "Mr. Kyle" at Gryphon Games & Comics here in town.

As soon as our big girl was able to sit down and hold a book and look through it, we walked to the comic shop. We perused some things and purchased a DC comic focused on the pets of superheroes...Super Pets. In the edition we purchased, Super Turtle rescues Streaky (Super Girl's cat) from the evil plottings of Ignatius Iguana (Lex Luther's pet lizard). It was good, but a little wordy for our (at that time) two-year-old.

On a subsequent visit to Gryphon our fave comic store employee and all-around-great-guy, Kyle, recommended Owly - a beautifully illustrated (no words) graphic novel featuring an owl, his pet worm, and his forest friends. It's a series. We own four of them. We're fans. Here's why:

• It features animals...not people...so, you can avoid some of the more "adult" images that many adult comics and graphic novels contain. 
• It focuses on basic kid stuff - facing your fears, making friends, good life lessons.
• My kid can "read" it. Only once has my oldest daughter brought Owly to me and asked me to read it - every time since, she has sat down and narrated aloud to whoever was within earshot the story that the pictures were telling. It is an excellent pre-reading activity and gives my girl just a ton of confidence.

I write about this now because I'm listening to my sweet 3-year-old "reading" Owly to her one-year-old sister. It's pretty adorable. The phrase "And then suddenly," is being used about every other page.

Anyhow. It's a great series. I'm so glad that Andy Runton created it and that "Mr. Kyle" introduced us to it.

Thanks, Kyle. It sure beats teaching my girls how to dismember Barbies.

***I have not been paid or compensated in any way for this endorsement of 'Owly' or of Gryphon Games and Comics...or of Mr. Kyle. These are just all around great things, places, and people and I strongly encourage you to check them out. But don't check Kyle out...that would just be weird.

That Which Shall Not Be Named

Do not call it breakfast, lunch, or dinner.

For if thou utterest such names to my children,

they shall throw thy own food at you

while spitting

and crying

and gnashing teeth.

They shall grovel

and flail

and throweth the grandest of all fits as to mimic a gran mal seizure.

They shall pusheth plates

and spilleth milk

without remorse.

Pure agony they know.

A biblical, Job-like despair they experience.

Do not name their food

breakfast,

lunch,

dinner.

It is snack

and only snack

in this house....

Everything else is seemingly

an abomination.

The Poop in Life

My three-year-old is hilarious.

I think to be fair, most three-year-old children are downright funny. They have this natural desire to perform for their parents. They state observations plainly without shame or even the slightest awareness of who their audience is. Unfiltered, innocent, hilarity.

Case in point:

The hubs and our 3yr-old are walking several feet in front of me (giving a piggyback ride to our youngest). We are in downtown Jackson, WY. It's the evening which means that the ski slopes are starting to empty and folks are looking for a good meal after a pleasantly exhausting day. We are on the look out for ice cream. Out of nowhere, my beautiful child inquires (as eardrum-splitting volume),

"Momma, do your boobies still have milk in them?"

 You can imagine my slight shock and disbelief.  Not quite believing my ears, I kindly ask her to repeat the question. Don't ask me WHY I thought she could have possibly said anything else.

Anyhow, this very LOUD "exchange" lead to several strange looks. My cheeks turned bright red and I immediately wrapped my arms across my chest as my loving husband proceeded to laugh as loudly as possible. Ice cream couldn't happen quickly enough.

My Big Girl is full of these one-liners.

She's been having a hard time using the potty lately. This results in us having to place her on the potty - commanding her not to leave until she has pooped. Lots of crying. Lots of holding it in. Lots of constipation.

Oh, and a new excuse for not pooping.

"Momma, Daddy, the poop is just not doing its best."

 True enough.

It made me think of all those times in life when you can try your darn-dest.  You can put forth every effort and positive thought. You can pray and seek and try and try and try. And sometimes, it just doesn't work out. Sometimes, we don't get our way.

Sometimes, the poop just isn't doing its best - even if you are.

I hope for you sake, reader, that today the poop is trying it's hardest.

Traveling is Not for the Faint of Heart

The girls and I are currently visiting my folks in GA. Family is really about as good as you can get and having my momma, daddy, sis, bro-in-law, and nephews & niece around for an entire week is a special kind of sweetness.

Single-parenting and traveling alone with my own babies is another story. Still sweet, but it's a hard-hard-difficult thing that pretty much makes me feel pretty neutral about traveling and visits in general.

My kids are REALLY well-traveled for their ages and I feel as though we have an airplane routine that works for us. A lot of parents worry about the airplane routine...I never really worry about the plane. (1) It's a limited amount of time with an end in sight (about 3.5 hours). (2) A bag of Cheetos given to a zealous 3-year-old to share with her sister lasts approximately 4 hours. (3) No one is really caring about your parenting philosophy or judging too harshly at several thousand feet. Everyone just wants to get to the ground alive and with their ear drums fully functioning.

Best air travel advice I ever got: "You want the moon honey? With a cherry on top? It's yours. How 'bout some whipped cream with that?" For real, if it's not too outlandish a request and does pose an imminent threat to the other passengers, my babies get what they want on an airplane. As an aside: my children have received several hundreds of compliments from skeptical-turned-pleasantly surprised passengers.

So, what's HARD?

Well. Single parents are my heroes. It's hard being the only one parenting. Because let's face it, my relatives are going to spoil the snot out of my kids...which doesn't work so great for consistency or routine. Also, if you're flying on a plane, you're most likely gonna deal with a time change. If I multiply our "Spring Forward" experiences by THREE, my kids are living in a special kind of through-the-looking-glass-sleep-deprived-dementia. Also, poop.

The past three days have been so good, but so hard.

For one, I openly admit my husband is a much better parent than I am. I try, but he and my oldest can handle "conflict" (read: fits) much more effectively. When I am left to my own devices, my three year old and I end up crying piles of mess. Lack of sleep and consistency + three-year-old brain (minus daddy) and you have the perfect equation for EVERYTHING being a fight. As an example: I was yelled at today for making her bagel EXACTLY how she has liked it for forever.

If you ever want a crash course in patience and trying not to lose your stuff with your kids. Travel solo. After several thousand tears, you'll get the hang of it.

The time changes are harder. Namely, because I can't control time. I've talked to God about that job title and the possible extra responsibility - usually at 5am EST which is 3am MT, the kids having gone to bed mere hours earlier. God and I have decided that I couldn't handle the time/space continuum and that my efforts in bathing and drinking coffee would be better appreciated by the general public.

If you travel, just know it could result in your kids sleeping like champs or not sleeping at all. Again, roll with it and try your hardest to not have an emotional break down. You're gonna need coffee.

Poop.

This one is tricky. Nothing magnifies to difficulties of travel like your potty-trained kid deciding to completely disregard all rules of basic society, biology...Leviticus. Expect there to be bowel trouble. If you expect the worse, then those mornings when you DON'T awake to poo-covered sheets & a traumatized kid will be icing on the cake, my friends.

Bottom Line:
Traveling is hard on your kids. It's for real hard on you. Do not engage in anger. It can't fix anything and it confuses your kids...who are already confused, struggling, and nervous (but have no way to talk about or express those emotions).

If you travel alone with your kids often, you are a hero and deserve a parade. Go'head with your bad self...and don't forget the Cheetos.

It can't come soon enough

As a mom (and hey, even as a plain 'ol person), I have always had to fight that nagging desire to speed things up or along. Basically pushing a fast forward button on life in hopes that I could get to the more fun and entertaining bits.

And then you get to the ripe old age of 33 and these things called hindsight and 20/20 and wisdom and thoughtfulness and mindfulness start to take root in your soul. The desire to fast forward starts to ebb as you live IN the moment.

Do not get me wrong. I still find myself wanting to fast forward our way out of X, Y, and Z and into a new season. BLABLABLA. The desire NEVER really leaves. For me it hasn't. It just seems to fade and then pop up at times.

Today I was once again "rotating" the girls' clothes. (Tangent: we have stashes of hand-me-downs that we change out for the seasons, as they grow, etc. I seriously think I have my children outfitted until they are both at least 5 or 6). Looking at little sleepers and dresses and booties, I couldn't believe that the time had gone by so quickly.

Nothing really slaps you in the face with your babies growing up like going through their clothes and seeing the physical change (I'm sure the development of reading skills or doing long division, moving out, getting married are just as striking, but we're not their yet).

I'm putting my baby in clothes that my big girl was JUST WEARING. It makes my heart ache.

This life is a vapor.

Oh how I pray that I soak in every fleeting moment, that I am a loving and compassionate person. That I am fun-loving and free spirited, and that I do all those cheesy things that most country-western songs written on this topic illustrate (I'm staring straight at you Lee Ann Womack).

So, stop reading this silly post and go do something. Something REALLY awesome.

Whether that be saving the day or hugging your kiddos.

Live it Well.

Vacations

...almost always and forevermore on a budget and with children.

The family and I took a jaunt up to Jackson, WY the weekend before last.

My husband had to be there a few days for work, so like the social pariah/leaches adventuresome girls that we are, the tots and I tagged along.

Full disclosure: we as a family do not do well apart. We need each other and cling to each other and notably long for any member of our little tribe who is absent at the moment. It's a precious and beautiful thing.

Jackson, WY is gorgeous. It's a little mountain ski-bum town snuggled away in the North-Eastern part of the state. It gets thousands of visitors in the winter and summer months - normally outdoor enthusiasts. Like any small town, boasting beautiful vistas and subsisting off of tourism dollars, it is RIDICULOUSLY EXPENSIVE.

The hubs and I are well-traveled, but not as a result of having tons of money. We vacation in camp grounds and dive hotels. We maybe eat "out" once a day or not at all to conserve money, opting instead to make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches while enjoying the free cable in our hotel room.

We know our means, live within them, and don't expect to "have everything" simply because others might have more. We know where we stand in the pecking order. And while awesome vacations to Europe (or hey, even going to Jackson and being able to afford to ski for the day) would be nice, we're kind of okay with where we are.

A weekend away was thoroughly needed. Our part of Wyoming (and I use the term "our" loosely) is windy...the wind pretty much makes all outdoor play for adults and tots impossible. Jackson does not have said wind problem. It was as though we experienced true quite and silent for the first time in two years.

Our days were filled with happy girls running on sidewalks and playing in snow. We even splurged and went to the Children's Museum (I'm thoroughly convinced that all children's museums are not at all worth the money when you have 2 toddlers and are just visiting the town for a day or two). The girls had a great time and the adults enjoyed a few nights of serious talks and dreaming...

Good for the soul.

How do you vacation?

Dear Barnes & Noble:

Dear Barnes & Noble,

I've been shopping with you for years. I do love local "Mom & Pop" book shops, but as those are fading into the background of our society's cultural fabric, I have found my way to your front door on several occasions.

You have a killer kiddo section. I have killer kiddos.

It's a match made on a Tuesday afternoon when some poor soul has to don a Dr. Seuss costume and dance for the natives in heaven {cough}.

I've enjoyed coffee with you as I've perused your travel section and bargain-priced Dr. Who trinkets.

You've offered me comfort on a rainy day, solace when I need to clear my mind, and WiFi when I was a cheap college student who couldn't afford it.

But our relationship stops here.

I was once again wandering your aisles looking for some literary goodies as my husband chased my children after story time. I found my items, took my almost 4-year-old by the hand, and she helped me "check-out" as always.

My Big Girl is smart, independent, and she likes doing things by herself.

She's also observant.

Which comes into play when she innocently asked me "Momma, what are those girls doing?"

I could sense that something was off in her tone. I looked down and it smacked in the face.

Three naked women with their {there's no other word for it in this context} lady parts hanging out, hugging on one another and smiling seductively: Sport Illustrated: Swim Suit Edition

...at eye level with my three-year-old. The sexual objectification of over half the human population (which I have tried to shield her from) starring back at her- as I look on slack-jawed and enraged.

Thank you B&N for willfully assaulting the innocence of my child. You should be ashamed.

As a fairly obvious question: WHY?

Who is that display for?

Is it for the 3-year-old sized man who happens to want to grab a bit of soft-core-porn on his way out of the store?

Because as I see it. The "Swimsuit Edition" has become the "Birthday Suit Edition" and that filth needs to be burned put behind a screen on a high shelf in an area not frequented by children. 

As it was, I tried to flip it over...only to find an equally disgusting depiction of a woman. I then angrily muttered that there was "simply no escaping it."

To which your female employee embarrassingly hung her head and whispered, "No there isn't."

Just so you know, B&N, I responded to my daughter's question:

"Those girls are not honoring God and are showing us how little respect they have for themselves and other girls...like you."

And my response to your EXTREME lapse in basic judgement:

Sexual objectification is hurtful, detrimental, and damaging. See video below.

Until Never. Losing a customer.

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Check out this great Ted talk by Caroline Heldman on the dangers of sexual objectification.

Conversations in the AM

Our little family has been making a point as of late to spend meal times at the table, together, talking....what a novelty. During the course of our married life, Hubs and I have gone through phases of how and where we eat. While Hubs was in law school we formed some very bad habits of spending most evenings on the couch, in front of a movie, eating quietly. What a shame. I think of all the wonderful conversations that we failed to have...all the iron sharpening iron moments that we missed out on. I am so glad that we are currently on an upswing.

Early morning conversations are another beast entirely. Neither of us having ever been too chatty in the AM. I'd like to think there was depth to them...but most of our morning conversations go a lot like this:

"WHY do you choose the alarm that sounds like a nuclear bomb has been deployed?!"

"I got up first last time...I get to sleep in today."

"HEYYYYY MOMMA & DADDY. GOOOOD MORNING!"

"Momma. Daddy. I peed in the hallway."

"MOOOOOOMMMMMA. MOOOOMMA. Daddy? Go Get Momma."

"I want pancakes for breakfast."

"My tongue hurts. Can I have some milk?"

(Loud Noise) "Ta-Da!!!!! It's me - the super princess girl!"

"Foggy? Foggy? Pa? Pa? Momma, get Foggy. Momma, get pa!"

"Up. Up. Up. Up." (pick child up) "Down. Down. Down. Down." (put child down)....repeat ad nauseum.

Happy Monday - I hope it is filled with many wonderful conversations. 

Toy Shopping with Toddlers

It should really be a reality show.

Our girls were given $10 Toys'R'Us giftcards by their grandparents as stocking stuffers back in December. We hold onto a lot of things likes this. Generally, because our kids are already suffering from uncontrollable body tremors as they bounce from one Christmas present to the next...like hummingbirds on acid.

So, we tucked said cards away for a "rainy day."

That rainy day came this past weekend. It's cold here in WY . There's lots of snow and 'windy' would be an understatement. I've seen the iconic images of Marilyn from The Seven Year Itch and let's be honest, if you even attempt to wear a dress in this weather, your skirt is over your head and you have second degree frost bite. Not to mention that the wind chill makes a balmy 17 fell like a rather crisp -20.

Needless to say, we don't get to play outside for a good portion of the calendar year and my toddlers get restless, stir crazy, grumpy...they basically start to hate life. And in all honesty, the hubs and I aren't far behind.

So, we head down to Colorado any chance we can get. Whether it is with the sole purpose of perusing the Whole Foods or wanting to try a new pub...we pretty much reserve all "fun" funds to be spent out of state.

So, with toddler-life-hating rearing it's ugly head, we planned a day of play cafes, book stores, toy shops, yummy lunches, and Whole Foods meandering.

We started off at Whole Foods. Meandering complete in 10 minutes. Micro brews purchased in about 20 minutes. Tots losing their stuff all over the place in less than five minutes.

So, with the natives restless, we headed to the play-cafe...because Tots must be appeased to make the rest of this crazy plan work. This place is awesome. Granted, we have to drive 45 minutes to get to it, but it offers yummy food, good coffee, and endless indoor play for your kiddos. The hubs and I switched-off watching kids and using the free WiFi. As an aside: I was amazed at the number of parents who chose to completely ignore their children. I'm all for giving my kids "room," but when your kid is begging me to watch them slide and you don't even look up...you're doing something wrong.

After an hour of the girls losing their minds (in a good way), we head out for lunch. Which started with french fries and ended in a dessert that our 3-year-old shamelessly and unreservedly inhaled.

Now comes the toy store...or Dante's seventh circle...

Has anyone else ventured in on this madness? Allowing your young children to choose their own toy? It is right up their with eye-gouging.

We looked at EVERY aisle. Did not utter one opinion on toy selection...just clarified price and actual purchasing "ability." We held our breath as the girls walked down aisles of Barbies and Bratz. We used time-honored parental guerilla warfare tactics of distraction.

"Yes, that Barbie is interesting....LOOK A STUFFED HORSE!"

"Oh, that is Calliou....HEY IS THAT A ROCKET SHIP!?"

Our girls finally landed on a miniature stuffed monkey and two little Olivia play sets. We were pretty happy with those choices.

Our girls don't actually own (m)any licensed character toys.  Clara had somehow come to obtain a small Dora doll that was quickly lost and now, of course, they own a family of plastic pigs (Olivia and her family).

However, I love Olivia as a character and I love the original Olivia books (those written by Ian Falconer...not the books published under the Nickelodeon banner). They make me smile. Falconer works in a bit of sophisticated wit and humor, while presenting a strong, interesting, curious girl.

We tend to stray away from pre-made character toys (Disney princesses, cartoon characters, etc) because it seems to stifle imagination. All of the sudden - that toy can only be named ONE name and only participates in a series of pre-fabricated scenes and interactions. When we purchase toys that are pretty vague an generic the toys become ANYTHING our girls want them to be...and that's really fun thought process to watch.

The girls were so excited about their new goodies that they fell sound asleep on the way home (SCORE!) and 45 minutes later dove into making the pig family at home in our house. They haven't stopped playing with them since - especially our littlest.  She basically hoards them all in a little people school bus and takes them with her wherever she goes.

So, what kid toys do you love (or not so much love)?

Why I am the worst...

To talk to when it comes to miscarriage.

This is gonna be heavy. As a warning, many people responded positively to this article. I did not. I have my updates to further clarify my position in red.

Sorry.

This is my reaction to an article that has been floating along the inter-tubes. It talks of WHY someone who calls themselves "Pro-Life" should view miscarriage with the same gravity and mourning as they would abortion. It offers a few examples of how pro-lifers tend to send mixed messages about the worth of life in these two very different losses.

Specifically, that when babies are aborted people tend to count the loss as "greater" than that of a baby who has been lost via miscarriage. The evidence that she gives is that people she knows said "unfeeling" or "stupid" things after her miscarriage. From here she really does take GIANT LEAPS in assuming the general opinion of all pro-lifers when faced with miscarriage. Perhaps, she is writing a very pointed blog post to specific people who have hurt her. This is dangerous...because in essence her article berates an entire advocacy group.

Let's get a few things out there before I dive into this subject.  I have had two miscarriages. They occurred within months of one another. I actually miscarried our second pregnancy on the due date of our first...which I miscarried days before my birthday. Miscarriage is a reality in our family.

I miscarried our first baby in full knowledge of our social circle - surrounded by friends and family. I miscarried my second babies completely isolated from friends and family, thousands of miles away - no one knew we were pregnant to begin with, so sharing the loss with those we love was even more painful.

People said stupid stuff. Because people are people and most of the time people are trying, but in the end are ill-equipped to say things that are not stupid. If you are looking for comfort from people, you will always be disappointed. Always. If you are looking for people to say wise things and understand how it feels, then you are setting yourself up to be offended and hurt. Because no one knows how YOU feel and very rarely can they say the "right" thing.

One person saying the wrong thing doesn't give the author the right to imply that all pro-lifers do not value the lives of miscarried babies as much as aborted babies. 

To note the obvious (again), most pro-lifers aren't saying that miscarried babies don't matter or that they matter less. A pro-lifer's very existence, however, is to fight against abortion and to stand up for aborted babies. That's kind of their thing.

Pro-lifers have talking points and statistics and a knowledge base to work with when it comes to talking about abortion. The general response when a baby is lost via miscarriage is (if we're honest) "That Sucks." We don't have talking points on miscarriage and therefore, unless having gone through it, the general populace has no source of information or understanding to pull comforting one-liners from.

I'm gonna go ahead and put this out there:

Abortion is more tragic than miscarriage. I'm fairly sure the original author would agree with me.

Namely, because if you are pro-life, you view abortion as a mother CHOOSING TO KILL her child. That is tragic. And if you think it is less tragic than miscarriage...then, I am sorry, you are wrong.

Child-sacrifice...to the god of  self and convenience is pretty much on ALL levels harder to swallow than miscarriage. The injustice of abortion leads many (including myself) to mourn murdered babies MORE...

Miscarriage isn't a cake walk. Please, do not misunderstand me. It's not easy. But there is a comfort in knowing that my babies passed away, were mourned, were wanted, and that yes, were NEVER going to be born. I am comforted knowing that they were loved, cared for, and fought for.

I didn't choose to abort a healthy fetus. I miscarried a baby...and God knew it was going to happen before I even came into being. I find comfort in that.

I'm not saying my babies' lives matter less...I'm saying they LIVED the life that God had laid out for them and that it was not brought to a premature end and that their lives were full of LOVE. Devil's Advocate could argue the same point for aborted babies and that could lead to an interesting discussion, but that's not my motive here today.

My motive in writing is to say:

Dear Momma's Who Have Never Gotten to See Your Babies,
It's okay for you to mourn. It is okay for you to grieve. You will never meet your babies in this realm and there is a sadness to that. Your loss (that of someone you loved and lost) should never be compared to the mass murdering of millions of babies every year. Never. Not by others and not by YOU. If you feel a need to do that, then you need to get over your bitterness. You are still struggling with some very strong (and misdirected) emotions if you feel the need to berate others who stand up as a voice for murdered babies. I'm sorry that miscarriage doesn't get more "air time" or "coverage" in the pro-life world, but there is a reason. One is natural loss and the other is murder. There is a difference and the latter is infinitely more tragic.