Kids & Weddings

Welcome to our very first Blog Hop for 2015!

This month we want to help you start the year off by getting organized as you’re planning your wedding or event. Get ready for some great ideas to help you reduce stress and enjoy the planning process as you move along through the blog hop. You may just be starting the blog hop or may have come from 40. Laurie Kuerlemann on Natalie’s Blog Hop. If you get off track at any time, the full lineup below will help you move along from blog to blog so you make sure to see and learn from all of the articles featured here today.

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Hey There.

I am not a wedding or an event planner.

I have planned ONE wedding 10+ year ago. My own. So, god speed, ladies.

I do, however, have kids. They are quite the handful.

I get dirty stares taking them into public places where it should be completely acceptable to act childlike. So, imagine the sweaty, itchy, neurotic mess I become when I envision my children having to sit in a completely silent church whilst a beautiful white-dressed "princess" {the 2-year-old equivalent of Bono} stands dangerously within reach of that glass of communal wine {the 2-year-old equivalent of paint}.

{Oh, those scenarios have never played out in your mind? Well, you probably don't have children.}

These are the crazed faces that can totally take your perfectly planned day off its rails.

Let's visit the angst-ridden tight rope that one must walk during the process of wedding planning that can only be referred to as:

"Children at major events that in no way were designed for young, small, noisy, and possibly poop-covered humans"

It's a working title.

There is one basic question to begin with as the bride {that's you, lucky lady}:

Do you WANT kids at your event? 

Here's the truth, no one is twisting your arm and if they are, cross them off your guest list {unless it is your soon to be mother-in-law because that is just not a good way to start}.

My hubs and I did not invite children to our big day. We were planning on a budget and wanted more cash for music and food. We also didn't know a ton of people with kids. It was an easy call. We did have family children IN the wedding and these kiddos also came to the reception {because we got to call the shots and loved having them there}.

Now, for the advice parts.

If you choose NOT to have children:

Did you think you were going to get out of having to plan for kids? Ha. That's funny.

Make it Clear. Address your envelopes and word your invitations in such a way that there is no misunderstanding: this is a "no kids" event. There are lots of elegant wordings out there that won't come off too harshly.

Don't forget your guests who may be traveling with kids. I'm not saying you should make an exception, but certainly collate and provide a list of possible caretakers in the area OR better yet, hire a childcare worker(s) for the wedding and reception times to stay at the hotel with the kiddos. If your guests are traveling 2000 miles for your wedding and can't bring their most precious cargo along to the big event, be a gem and take the time to do some legwork for them. Again, you don't have kids. Ask around. Churches often have childcare workers {with completed background checks} that they hire for Sunday mornings. Call daycare centers or ask the girl who works in the kid area at your gym {all will have had background checks - HOLLA!} If you just can't seem to make contact, try some of the online services - like Care.com


If you choose to HAVE children at the wedding and or reception:

During the Ceremony {and I say this in all serious} make like Santa, the Easter Bunny, and Elsa from Frozen - Buy gifts for all the little girls and boys, put them in cute baskets, and then "Let it Go."

Kids don't have a long attention span. Do you know what helps? Straight-forward, no-nonsense, Bribery. This is best accomplished in the form of a goodie bag or basket. Be sure to include:

Edible Treats: Gummy Bears or lollipops that can be shoved into their mouths mercilessly. You can also do healthier fruit snacks (mom will thank you), but do avoid chocolate (Mom will straight kill you with dagger eyes when she has to wipe down a well-dressed toddler with chocolate face, hands, feet...it gets everywhere).

Toy: This can be simple. A hot wheels car, a little tub of play dough, a kaleidoscope, a small plastic animal. You just want to make sure that it does't make noise.

Pipe Cleaners: These suckers are brightly colored and easily bendable. They give fidgety kids something to do with their hands. SCORE.

Coloring Book and Crayons: This is pretty self explanatory, but it keeps kids busy and quiet and engaged. You can even get some pictures of you and your fiance and the church and have a custom coloring book just waiting for them.

A Back-Up Plan: Sometimes you have a colicky baby or a two-year-old who is more of a bridezilla than your friend, Marcy {and you know how SHE was}. So, have a little mercy on your guests and see if the venue has a room that can serve as a "cry" room. A lot of churches have these already and they are life savers. If everything is going downhill real quick, mom or dad can scoop up their bundle of joy and make a graceful exit to an already designated, fairly comfortable locale. {Make sure there is good signage and have ushers inform guests with kids as to its whereabouts}

Now.....the Reception:

If it is a formal sit down dinner: WHY ARE YOU INVITING CHILDREN!? If you have little dinner guests, make sure that there are high chairs. Also, crackers, quiet games, and an activity place mat would be appreciated. Kids don't like waiting for their food. And like your Aunt Edna after a few drinks, they will let everyone within screaming distance know it.

If this is a more free-flowing event: Spoil the kids at your wedding with a little play area. It can be a simple kids sized table with books, disposable cameras, paper, crayons, cupcakes, candy, and other kid-friendly food. You can also lay down a beautiful blanket or rug and set toys, puzzles, and board games around it. This just allows them to have an area that is all their own....and it gives mom and dad an "out" if they are unable to entertain lil' Billy for another second. But don't worry, kids love the dance floor and loud music and cake. Your ceremony was probably their personal hell, but your reception is the BEST BIRTHDAY PARTY EVER.

{More Great Ideas}

I can't reiterate this enough: DO NOT STRESS . Something will go wrong that day. It will MORE than likely have nothing to do with that small {poopy} human who can't seem to grasp the concept sacred vows....and will most definitely have everything to do with that one piece of hair that is out of place or that the peonies are more Pepto in shade and less the desired blush color. You will have a meltdown at some point - just like the kids who may or may not be coming to your nuptials.

Happy Planning.

**Please take time to scroll through the complete list for a little special message from me**

The next stop is  42. Melissa Pepin on Natalie’s Blog Hop! Thanks for visiting and I hope to see you again next month!

1. Natalie Bradley at Natalie Bradley Events 

2. Katherine Shorter at Creating Awesomenessity 

3. Kristi Richardson at Bloomed To Last 

4. Chantal Benoit at Chantal Benoit Photographer 

5. Elizabeth Batte at plainjane designs 

6. Andie Freeman  at Andie Freeman Photography 

7. Brenna Fields Taylor at An Elegant Affair LLC 

8. Irene Tyndale at Irene Tyndale Events 

9. Sharon K Hyatt at Weddings with Sharon of Awesome Designs & Weddings 

10. Tessa Marie at Tessa Marie Weddings 

11. Peter Merkle at Chicago Wedding DJs 

12. Anshwa Lewis at SwaLaRue Events 

13. Deborah Ashe at Rev. Deborah Ashe 

14. Angela Christoforo at Elite Wedding and Event Planning 

15. Liz Coopersmith at Silver Charm Events 

16. Amber Peterson at Cheers Wedding & Event Planning 

17. Maggie Evans at Maggie Evans Designs :: handmade bridal couture 

18. N’neka Scruggs at Images by N’neka 

19. Kelly Snyder at Southern Charm Weddings 

20. Cindy Clearwater at Something Blue Virgin Islands 

21. Kimberly Parks at KP Photography 

22. Simone R. Ross at Lil’ Tux N Tiara’s Event Sitters & Entertainment 

23. David Osborne at Sound Insight Productions 

24. Nicole Hill at Flora Bond 

25. Shaun Cox at A D.I.Y. Affair Weddings and Events 

26. Katrina McCullum at Made of Honor Weddings 

27. Sandy Salle at Hills of Africa Travel 

28. Rachel Huntoon  at Ashford Manor Bed & Breakfast 

29. Daphne Simpson at Elite Design 

30. Kishana Highgate at Kishana Highgate Photography 

31. Loraine McCall at Mojica Photography 

32. Teresa Rhodes at Nearly Nesters  

33. Andrea Freeman at Andrea Freeman Events 

34. Nikki Michel at Ciao Bella Weddings 

35. Kelly King at Affordable Wedding Invites by Gossett Printing 

36. Christine Ringuette at Down The Aisle Wedding Planning & Design 

37. Myiesha Antwine at Kiss and Tell Weddings 

38. Ashley Rae at Ashley Rae Events 

39. Laurie Kuerlemann at Platinum Party Events Entertainment, Inc 

40. Lydia Wells at Writer Mom  

41. Melissa Pepin at Melissa Pepin Photography

Follow my blog using the link to the right hand side and you will be entered to win a set of custom coloring pages for your big day. One lucky winner will be announced January 26, 2015. If you don't win, no worries. Contact me if you are interested in custom coloring pages for your wedding - complete with coloring pages of the bride, groom, cake, and venue. MENTION this blog post for 15% OFF!

Lydia is a writer/illustrator/mom who in no way envies you in the planning process, but thank goodness for this informative blog hop. 

Eleven Years

Eleven years ago today...

A very handsome, curly headed 19-year-old boy knocked on my apartment door.

I was expecting him. See, earlier that day we had talked about "needing to talk." Not just any talk - the DTR {Defining of The Relationship}.

We had been on a few dates and had been shamelessly "fake dating" for MONTHS before that.

Fake dating (as defined by Lydia): Hanging out a lot, always in groups, and chatting about anything and everything while obviously having a possible romantic interest in one another.  Fake dating also entails being absolutely terrified to make a move that would change the label of said relationship from "friend" to "dating" practicing self-discipline and wisdom in truly taking a step back and prayerfully considering whether this is a person you could marry.

Aside: Fake dating is what I, Ladies and Gents, will encourage my girls to do. 

That curly-headed, clean-shaven fella walked into my apartment.

We sat down and talked...just like we always had. It was EASY to talk because we had been friends for a while. 

Nothing too romantic or soppy was said. That's not our style.

And I won't share any particulars because they are pieces of sweetness that I have treasured in my heart for the last eleven beautiful years.

But I will divulge that the conversation ended with

"I want to pursue this."
"I would like that."

It's burned into my memory and forever will be. It was the moment my husband chose ME. It is the moment he chose to pursue ME...and he didn't have to do anything, but be wise enough to take his time in asking and brave enough to ask when he felt he needed to. {Go'head Hubs} 

Best. Gift. Ever. 

Conversations in the AM

Our little family has been making a point as of late to spend meal times at the table, together, talking....what a novelty. During the course of our married life, Hubs and I have gone through phases of how and where we eat. While Hubs was in law school we formed some very bad habits of spending most evenings on the couch, in front of a movie, eating quietly. What a shame. I think of all the wonderful conversations that we failed to have...all the iron sharpening iron moments that we missed out on. I am so glad that we are currently on an upswing.

Early morning conversations are another beast entirely. Neither of us having ever been too chatty in the AM. I'd like to think there was depth to them...but most of our morning conversations go a lot like this:

"WHY do you choose the alarm that sounds like a nuclear bomb has been deployed?!"

"I got up first last time...I get to sleep in today."

"HEYYYYY MOMMA & DADDY. GOOOOD MORNING!"

"Momma. Daddy. I peed in the hallway."

"MOOOOOOMMMMMA. MOOOOMMA. Daddy? Go Get Momma."

"I want pancakes for breakfast."

"My tongue hurts. Can I have some milk?"

(Loud Noise) "Ta-Da!!!!! It's me - the super princess girl!"

"Foggy? Foggy? Pa? Pa? Momma, get Foggy. Momma, get pa!"

"Up. Up. Up. Up." (pick child up) "Down. Down. Down. Down." (put child down)....repeat ad nauseum.

Happy Monday - I hope it is filled with many wonderful conversations. 

One of Those Weekends

My husband had a FOUR DAY weekend. What up?! Every girl's dream come true.

I'm not gonna lie. I was envisioning lots of sleep and a day at the spa and a family trip to "Anywhere but here."

I dreamed of leisurely cups of coffee while my husband and I perused the newspaper, nibbling on chocolate croissants (In my head I am totally pronouncing it in that annoyingly accurate French-way). Our children would talk to the other cafe-goers and play quietly in the kids' area.

Everyone just ignore that fact that NO place like that exists in Chey-oming and that I might have been unabashedly playing out this entire scenario as though we were in Portland, OR or Athens, GA.

In my more realistic expectations, I was planning on a massage (gift certificate) and then a visit to the local coffee shop. I need to work on a a talk that I will be giving to a group of ladies in Ft. Collins, CO on Thursday.

Then I woke up on Friday...Sick.As.A.Dog.

The common cold is a nuisance and really must be stopped.

So, gone were my croissant nibbles and quiet children...they were viciously murdered by cranky (probably sick) children and a coughing husband.

I spent the entirety of Saturday in my pajamas...which sounds like a good day, until you factor in the part where I ran out for an errand only changing my appearance by donning my down coat and boots.

My kids spent at least 2-3 hours of those days in front of our Kindles - playing games or watching Team Umi Zoomi.

My husband and I barely even talked as we trudged through the mundane efforts of caring for our little ones or trying not to fall over during our sporadic coughing fits.

We are on the mend today, but I cannot lie...I would have preferred a massage and a leisurely Chai.

So, what was your weekend like? 

Mother-in-Laws

 Oh, brother. Am I right? Mother-in-laws (insert large overly-dramatic sigh).

Why do some many women have issues with their husband's mothers? And mothers with their daughters-in-law for that matter? I understand that the navigation of such relationships can be fraught with miscommunications, unclear expectations, unreasonable expectations, etc...but sadly, I feel like this is looked upon as one of the most tense relationships on the planet, when it should be seen as a tremendous blessing.

Please, understand that I fully admit that we cannot all have perfect relationships...we are human and in being so, we are broken and bring baggage to every interaction. But I feel like 80% (a figure that I have completely made up and have no scientific basis for) of all mother-daughter (in-law) relationships can be (dare I say it?) GOOD.

I am blessed with a pretty amazing momma-in-law.

I'm not sure she she has always been crazy about me (I was 22 and Matt was 19 when we began dating), but she has always welcomed me, talked with me, prayed for me, and pursued relationship with me...and I hope that I have done the same with her. I love her.

Let me tell you about this lady.

She's up for (almost) anything:
She has taught every child in her family (nieces, nephews, etc) how to water ski. She even tried teaching me (which was an epic disaster). One of our first trips together was a weekend kayaking adventure...where only one person in our group had kayaked before and another was terrified of water. It was memorable.

She is caring.
Whether it's  was checking in on me when I got sick off of duck (true story) while staying at her house or flying out to stock my freezer full of meals as we expected our second baby, she's pretty much ready to help. And it's not just because it's me....she is that way to everybody.

She has the best laugh ever.
Her one quirk is that she laughs uncontrollably when people get hurt (minor hurts) or even when she imagines an incident when people have gotten comically injured (like my husband stubbing his toe - it happens a lot). It's pretty funny. Her laugh is really infectious and I would be lying if I said that I didn't feel the least bit proud the first time I got her signature laugh out of her with some off-hand comment. She loves to laugh and I think most people love hearing it.

She is a really great Canasta partner.
I don't think we have EVER won a single game as Canasta partners. But we relish in blatant "talking over the table," annoying our opponents with gospel hymns (the equivalent of canasta psychological warfare), and politely trash-talking Grandma...who never loses.

She loves.
She loves her family. She loves my husband. She loves my babies. She loves me...and we all know it. There is no doubt. Loves exudes from this lady when we are around and it is a comfort and overwhelming joy to us.

She is godly.
Ask anyone who has met her. That's the first thing they will say. Her sweet and gentle spirit is obvious and her faith in God is undeniable.

We are NOT exactly alike. But we definitely love each other. I think that's where a lot of the daughter/mother (in-law) relationships go askew.

My husband's mother is his mother...and I see the things I love about him in her. He didn't choose me to be his mother. He chose me to be his wife. Very different roles, but both incredibly necessary. So, don't try to be your mom-in-law. Just be you. BUT Respect and appreciate your second momma - because she did something right.

The power and support that can result from two women (three women if you count your momma/his mother-in-law) coming together and praying, lifting up, encouraging a man is AWESOME and something to be reckoned with.

So....let's put the whole myth of mother-in-law aside and just pursue what God has done and is doing.

Jane. I love you. Happy Birthday.

(Larry, you are also amazing and I will try to write something as equally uplifting on your birthday. I know you don't want to be left out of this gushing over the in-laws mess of mine)

The Pipes

To say that my husband is a man of "phases" would somewhat be the under-exaggeration of the century.

Since I have met him....phases have included (but have not been limited to):
Kayaking, Camping, Hiking, Coffee Roasting, Espresso machines and Barista-ing, Motorcycles, Electric bass, Upright bass, Fly Fishing, Skiing, European board games, World of Warcraft, Card games, War Machine (minis), Comics, Graphic Novels, Reading War & Peace, Cigars & Pipes, the Rhodes, Surfing (a foray into it anyway), Camper living (living in a van down by the river), The Dobro, Lutherie, Beer brewing, Cooking (like a boss), Leather working, Homesteading...

.....the bagpipes.

No. I am not joking. The BAGPIPES.

Let that sink in for a wee minutes, lassie. No seriously, for real...bagpipes.

But here is the deal. I didn't marry a man who suffers from multiple personalities or from a severe case of ADHD. For better or worse, my guy is legitimately and sincerely interested in EACH of these things.

The hubs would like me to point out that he supports me in my interests...and that he is AWESOME. Although he has pursued all of these hobbies, he has almost always MADE money from each of them and never lost any cash-o-la.  He also feels like the title of this blog post should either be "My husband the Superhero" or "Lydia Loves Matt".

Back to the point.

My husband has a lot of interests. Granted, the intensity of these interests waxes and wanes with our budget (hobbies be expensive!) or our location (no surfing in Wyoming).

The bagpipes have so far been a great joy. Imagine waking up to the latest downloadable piece of bagpipe music. It is memorable, but a bit much before having your morning coffee.

Imagine too (if you will) your three-year-old yelling at her daddy "Stop your singing! Stop your singing," while the one-year-old yells, "[me] Too! [me] Too!," and blows into the chanter like it's a kazoo. The wonder and merriment, of course) completely escapes the dog who refuses to move a muscle, but strongly expresses his disapproval with a low-growl.

I've taken to drinking sitting back and enjoying the circus.

So, my husband is a "Renaissance man" and I think sometimes wives can quickly become overwhelmed with the shifting fancies of such a fella.

But I'll let you in on a secret.

I have benefited made out like a BANDIT from most all of these phases in some way, shape, or form.

Kayaking (Crying hysterically floating down a death serene river ),
Camping (Almost being eaten by bear),
Hiking (Beautiful views from all over the country),
Coffee Roasting (Freshly roasted coffee),
Espresso machines and Barista-ing (Espresso drinks and latte art),
Motorcycles (This one I didn't so much care for),
Electric bass (Dating a musician),
Upright bass (Engaged to a serious musician),
Fly Fishing (A River Runs Through it in real life...without the violence and death),
Skiing (Skiing with my best friend),
European board games (Learning how to play board games that require strategy),
World of Warcraft (Level 82 Troll Priest),
Card games (Entertainment when the power is out),
War Machine (2-4 hours, all to myself),
Comic books & Graphic Novels (Becoming a fan),
Reading War & Peace (My husband still hasn't finished it sounds well read),
Cigars & Pipes (Pipes look really pretty),
Steel Guitar (Married to a man who can play anything),
Surfing (I got to go surfing too),
Camper living (We seriously lived in a van for like 3 months),
the Dobro (I mean, really...the instruments are never ending),
Lutherie (Saving money on all these instruements),
Beer brewing (He can make the ones I like),
Cooking (need I say more?),
Leatherworking (Can you say "purse"),
Homesteading (One day we will be self-sustaining-ish).

Bagpipes... I will finally get to see my husband in a kilt...he's got the legs for it. 

Anyhow, what is the strangest thing you or your significant other have taken up?

What Makes a Marriage

Last night my husband and I were sitting next to each other on the couch watching what most would consider to be pretty terrible SciFi. The girls had gone to bed and we were just soaking in the peace and quiet and "superheroes." Somehow or another we got to talking about love. I asked my husband if he believed in the soul-mate hypothesis - there being ONE perfect person out there for everyone. I am personally a believer that he is my perfect match. He replied, "No," with a chuckle. He was probably laughing at the look on my face because it was a mix of semi-shock and sadness. How sad that he does not think I am his perfect person. He quickly noted my reaction and went onto explain..."None of us is perfect. And none of us is perfect for another." I went onto caveat that I thought he was who God had planned me for and vice-versa. He conceded to this argument.

Today, we celebrate our eighth year of marriage...and all the good and bad that have come with it. And it does remind me as I reflect upon our life together that we are indeed NOT at all perfect for one another. He is absolutely not what I had in mind for my husband when I met him...and I have it on good authority that as he got to know me and we began dating and even during our engagement, he thought I was absolutely nuts. I believe he phrased it, "I either had to marry you or go into hiding." And that's about how it was.

As we have grown up together these past several years though, I have realized over and over again that my hubs is not what I wanted, he's not even what I would consider as "perfect," but he was and is and will continue to be everything that God needs him to be in my life - what I need him to be in my life. I am the same for him.

The entire concept of covenant marriage and the sacredness of it...the very sacrament would be lost if we had married into perfection. But we willingly stepped into imperfection and said, "I will love this and protect this and cherish this and honor this with my whole heart." And that's what we have tried to do. That's what Christ did. And that is why marriage is such a wonderful depiction of His love for us...the Church.

So, if you are celebrating or mourning or struggling or fighting through...take heart and know that you are living out the love of Christ.

Thank you, sweet husband. You have and always will be such a wonderful depiction of Christ's love for me. 

I'm Ready...

     The past five months have been absolutely mind blowing.  When you become a mother... when I became a mother, it was the first time that my identity was not wrapped-up in a profession or any kind of wordly acclaim. My identity became "Sosebee's  momma." I have never had to win over my daughter, she has always loved me. I've never lost her trust....although that day may eventually come. I am her "momma." It is the most beautiful thing in the world.
    
     It's similar to having met and married my husband. I did not do much to win him over, which I suppose is how it should be. I was simply myself and  I soon became Matt's beloved. I have disappointed him and I'm sure he has not always liked me. I may have lost trust, having to earn it back along the way. Those points can be more easily addressed by Matt. The point is my beautiful husband and child take me as I am - just me - and love me in my humanity.

     I'm ready to not be "Lydia - the colleague" or "Lydia - the teacher." I have enjoyed my job for several years and undoubtedly, the majority of time, I still enjoy what I do. However, with the birth of a child comes a change in focus and a change in mission. I am ready to just be "Lydia, my momma" or "Lydia, my wife." It sounds selfish. It's not that I want to just up and quit my job. I'm just ready to not be defined by it.