A Whisper

I'm deep in the trenches of life currently...well, not life, but motherhood. I lose my patience often and it is not something that I am proud of. I am elbow deep in poo and vomit and dirty dishes and laundry...and most days end with me putting my babes to bed and happily enjoying the peace and quiet of the day's first "stillness" and being alone.

I am a selfish and wicked woman.

My cousin was diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma. In the short span of a few months, it has manifested as 3 very ugly tumors in his brain. Two of those tumors are in his frontal lobe and are inoperable. I am a selfish and wicked woman.

Here is what I can tell you about my cousin. His name. I know it. I know that he is 5 years younger than I am. The last time I saw him and hugged his neck was when we were teenagers. It was my sister's wedding. I loved the way that it was so easy to talk to him. He was hilarious and had an awesome Michigan accent. We sang together a lot that weekend. I always thought there would be more time.

Our parents weren't close and that meant that visits didn't happen. I went to college and found my life too busy to be bothered with silly correspondence to family. I'm a selfish and wicked woman.

My cousin became a devoted dad during that time. Things with the mom didn't work out, but he stuck around. He loves his boy - his whole world.

We reconnected on facebook. He has a massive beard and a beautiful smile. He's kind of a nature loving guy and has great taste in music. He always seems up to helping others and hanging out. He lives for his kid. He seems to practice true hospitality - in that he invites folks into his life as it is.

He's dying.

This life is a whisper. It's a quick, beautiful whisper. If we're lucky, it's this sort of wonderful whisper. You hear it drawn out, slowly, right into your ear - "I love you." But, I think for a lot of people it can be the harried "I..." that never gets to finish.

Life is a whisper. Make sure to live every moment of it. Pursue relationships with loved ones. Listen to music. Have dance parties with your kids and forget about the dishes. Relish their squishy soft skin and BE PRESENT. Don't seek after tomorrow or "when" - because we are not promised more time. We are given the moment. The right now.