They'll never remember...

The worst piece of parenting advice that I have ever received...

"Don't worry about what you say when they are little, they won't remember it anyway."

In the moment, this advice was 'good.' It put a young mother's feelings of guilt and sorrow over a thoughtless utterance at ease. It made me feel better. However, as I have journeyed farther down the road of motherhood - this piece of advice has come to be just horrifying.

In our sin (anger, grumbling, ugly words, sarcasm), we should not be made to feel better - we should feel convicted - and that conviction should lead to repentance. Excusing it away with "They won't remember..." not only in some way excuses the behavior, but it gives one permission to treat their child as a lesser being, because they are in a season of life that they are unlikely to recall.

Here's the thing. They WILL remember. They might not remember the specifics of the situation or the words. But their little heart will remember the hurt. Their little brain that is forming all these connections over time will remember that at one point, you unjustifiably hurt them...that they cannot trust you. It will be there. A wound. A lifelong wound. If you want to argue that kids don't know what is and is not justifiable, well - I think kiddos' have one of the most keen senses of justice around. They know when they've done wrong. They know when they've been wronged.

You know what else?

YOU will remember.

You will remember every thoughtless and unkind word that you mumble over your baby. It will haunt you. What's worse? Your tongue remembers. It's a muscle. You don't think it can form muscle memory? Every nasty thing, biting tone - it comes easier the next time and the next time and the next time. Practice makes "perfect," you know?

So, SPEAK gently over your children. Let your words be love over your husband. LOVE, joy, peace patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,  gentleness, self-control...(highly needed by moms everywhere).

Form a new habit and shed the old ones. Make new muscle memories: smiles, laughs, praises, worships.

Happy New Year.

Real Women...

Today, I awoke at 5:30am to the happy cries of "Da-Da?!" coming from C-baby's crib. We are totally biased in this family and she is seriously adorable. Big sister didn't want to miss any of the action, so, she quickly hopped out of bed...at 5:30 in the MORNING...and joined us downstairs. I'm not proud to admit it, but the next hour was spent with me making coffee, feeding the girls oranges, and quickly arranging them in front of my computer to watch "Dora's fantastic gymnastic adventure." I was trying to shake a headache AND let the hubs sleep in...feats such as these call for a little Dora.


I gladly sit down with my cup of coffee and my Kindle...and sadly, I start mindlessly reading status updates. Pictures of loved ones, sweet posts about babies and post-Christmas goodness, questions and polls concerning travel, and then...an insult...a person who calls herself my friend questioning my womanhood.

I know her. She's lovely. So, I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt that she thought it was funny or cute.

 
"Real Women watch Football..."

I'm not an overly sensitive person. But these little memes that people create and post really tick me off - especially when is calls into question others' womanhood or manhood.

Really?! "Real" women watch football? That's the only qualifier...with reasoning and logic that water tight, most women are walking around with a penis. Sorry.

Here is my problem with statements such as these. They are by nature meant to be divisive. They are meant to create an "other." They are meant to tell someone who doesn't fit into the given category that she is "lesser," "not real," "fake," or "wanting." And for what purpose?

To make the post-er feel better about herself.

"Real" Women are all around. They come in all shapes and sizes. They have all sorts of different interests. God didn't make us all the same...because then, "real" women would be "real" boring...and "real" men would be "real" disappointed.

So, ladies (or gents) THINK before you post things that are designed to make others question their "reality." The last time I checked....the mere fact that you DO or DO not watch football does not make you any more or any less of a woman.

A Whisper

I'm deep in the trenches of life currently...well, not life, but motherhood. I lose my patience often and it is not something that I am proud of. I am elbow deep in poo and vomit and dirty dishes and laundry...and most days end with me putting my babes to bed and happily enjoying the peace and quiet of the day's first "stillness" and being alone.

I am a selfish and wicked woman.

My cousin was diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma. In the short span of a few months, it has manifested as 3 very ugly tumors in his brain. Two of those tumors are in his frontal lobe and are inoperable. I am a selfish and wicked woman.

Here is what I can tell you about my cousin. His name. I know it. I know that he is 5 years younger than I am. The last time I saw him and hugged his neck was when we were teenagers. It was my sister's wedding. I loved the way that it was so easy to talk to him. He was hilarious and had an awesome Michigan accent. We sang together a lot that weekend. I always thought there would be more time.

Our parents weren't close and that meant that visits didn't happen. I went to college and found my life too busy to be bothered with silly correspondence to family. I'm a selfish and wicked woman.

My cousin became a devoted dad during that time. Things with the mom didn't work out, but he stuck around. He loves his boy - his whole world.

We reconnected on facebook. He has a massive beard and a beautiful smile. He's kind of a nature loving guy and has great taste in music. He always seems up to helping others and hanging out. He lives for his kid. He seems to practice true hospitality - in that he invites folks into his life as it is.

He's dying.

This life is a whisper. It's a quick, beautiful whisper. If we're lucky, it's this sort of wonderful whisper. You hear it drawn out, slowly, right into your ear - "I love you." But, I think for a lot of people it can be the harried "I..." that never gets to finish.

Life is a whisper. Make sure to live every moment of it. Pursue relationships with loved ones. Listen to music. Have dance parties with your kids and forget about the dishes. Relish their squishy soft skin and BE PRESENT. Don't seek after tomorrow or "when" - because we are not promised more time. We are given the moment. The right now.

Adoption Fundraiser

Please, help bring Emily home! This wonderful blogpost by my fellow Noonday Collection Ambassador, McCall, will tell you all about her family's journey to be complete.

http://www.leemeandthegirls.blogspot.com/2013/11/emilys-bundle-giveaway-awesome-adoption.html

A life less DRAMA

The title pretty much says it all.

The past few weeks, I have been struggling with an idea and sadly, this idea has become a theme of most conversations, thoughts, blog posts, books, etc. about motherhood (even those from a Christian perspective). I find this incredibly disheartening. Not because it is being said, but because it needs to be said.

Let me explain.

Young mothers are by far the harshest critics of other young mothers. Please, let me finish. I am not saying that we as women are built to be mean and caddy. I really do believe that we are built to live in community and support one another. However, that has somehow along the way been forgotten.  We see the height of girls being mean in middle school and high school (In my opinion). It's a sort of "kill or be killed" mentality and it can take over certain groups of adolescent girls. I have no idea why. I have just seen it happen. Firsthand, as a really awkward, chubby girl and then again as a really awkward and chubby middle-school teacher.

I really thought that phase in my life was over. And frankly, as someone who is a bit of a "feeler," I was looking forward to the complete and total lack of made-up drama in my life. And I have had that perfect lack for a very blessed 8+ years.

Then, I became a mother and started participating in a group of other young moms. I found some friends. I'm friendly; I like to chat. I met some new ladies who are incredibly gifted and have strengths in many areas that I do not. I became more and more involved in this groups, really wanting to give back. Then, it began. Underhanded comments about others. Small judgements. I noticed the women around me slowly pluck at the women around us...as though "eating" the weak. Then I noticed it within my group friends. Comments, words, thoughts, pluck, pluck, pluck.

 I even found myself thinking such things and in that moment having to say, "I don't know what I'm talking about." I have no clue what is going on in the secret lives of the women around me. Absent husbands, financial strains, depression...

Who are WE to judge ANYBODY. Who am I to judge ANYBODY.

We are all here on earth and we are called (by JESUS) to LOVE ONE ANOTHER. LOVE ONE ANOTHER. FULL STOP. That means that even if you think that person is wrong or a wuss or being overly-dramatic or they have hurt you. You and I are called to love.

 Just check out what Annie F. Downs has to say about it in her book, Speak Love. And full disclosure. I know Annie. She is awesome. She's a college friend and an incredibly gifted writer. I love her insight.

So, let's speak love today. How about in the comments section, you leave the kind of encouragement that you need to hear today. Maybe someone else needs to hear it today too.