The past five months have been absolutely mind blowing. When you become a mother... when I became a mother, it was the first time that my identity was not wrapped-up in a profession or any kind of wordly acclaim. My identity became "Sosebee's momma." I have never had to win over my daughter, she has always loved me. I've never lost her trust....although that day may eventually come. I am her "momma." It is the most beautiful thing in the world.
It's similar to having met and married my husband. I did not do much to win him over, which I suppose is how it should be. I was simply myself and I soon became Matt's beloved. I have disappointed him and I'm sure he has not always liked me. I may have lost trust, having to earn it back along the way. Those points can be more easily addressed by Matt. The point is my beautiful husband and child take me as I am - just me - and love me in my humanity.
I'm ready to not be "Lydia - the colleague" or "Lydia - the teacher." I have enjoyed my job for several years and undoubtedly, the majority of time, I still enjoy what I do. However, with the birth of a child comes a change in focus and a change in mission. I am ready to just be "Lydia, my momma" or "Lydia, my wife." It sounds selfish. It's not that I want to just up and quit my job. I'm just ready to not be defined by it.
