Who is My Neighbor

I'm doing some writing for our church blog. Check it out here.

Privilege and Voice

I'm very white and very privileged.

I grew up the youngest daughter of a couple who broke their respective cycles of poverty, illiteracy, and abuse.

My parents placed a lot of emphasis on education. My dad and my mom are both well-educated and educators in their own right.

I've never been pulled over by a cop and treated unfairly. I've never had someone attempt to take advantage of my illiteracy or poor education. The only time I have ever worked a minimum wage job was while I was a student in high school. I have never been truly hungry. I have never been abandoned. I have never been under constant threat of physical, sexual, verbal, or psychological abuse. I have never been looked down on because of my nationality, race, or class.

I MAY have been judged for my gender or because I identify as a Christian...but never to the point that I have truly felt discriminated against.

I am the epitome of privileged.

My husband is. My daughters are. Most of the people I know are. So, when I talk about social justice issues and equality issues - it is not from a place of total understanding. I can't truly understand what the oppressed and disenfranchised feel or experience on a second-by-second basis.

However, I can use my very white, upper-middle-class, privileged voice for good. And I have tried to on a few occasions.

So, today. I am meandering in my writing after having read an article in the Washington Post concerning the killing of possibly thousands by Boko Haram in Nigeria. I am heart broken and stunned. I am saddened and enraged. I feel helpless. The past months alone have brought stories into my news feed that can only be attributed to wickedness. Men, women, parties, peoples wanting to make themselves bigger, more powerful than the weak and using violence in an attempt to do so. Stories that center around systemic corruption, discrimination, weakness, and just plain hate are what I read on a daily basis. Plain ugliness: Mass shootings, the race tensions in the US, instability across the Middle East, Africa beings tormented by Ebola and terrorism.

Because I write a small little measly blog with a grand total of 17 followers. My small voice doesn't reach the ears of the upper echelon or those who are currently in power. My voice doesn't even reach the masses. My voice reaches my circle. My small, little circle of influence. What's a heartbroken and confused first-world, white girl to do? What are WE to do?

I am praying. I am praying for those who are not ridiculously privileged like my completely undeserving self. I'm praying for peace, for justice, for God's Kingdom to be brought to earth through His people doing the right thing.

I am giving. I am researching and giving to organizations that I think are truly working to help the oppressed. International Justice Mission and Compassion International are among a few that I support.

I am looking locally. We just moved, but where can I be a voice locally to work towards change? How can I get involved? How can I use my skill set?

I am thinking about the BIG picture and calling on people in power to lift up their eyes. Open your eyes and see the injustice that is all around us! You, governments and kings, lift up your eyes. Who do the big policies and the big corporations and the big lobbying groups speak for? They do not represent the people.

I know this isn't my general shtick. It's not my generally niche. But My heart hurts for the thousands, no millions, of lives that have been lost to oppression and hate and discrimination. I'm not at a loss, but I am at a boiling point.

What else can we do?

Good Reads: The Ocean at the End of the Lane

The first book that I chose to tackle this year was one that my sweet husband has been begging me to read for the past year or so.

The Ocean at the End of the Lane by Neil Gaiman

This book in particular has a special story as to HOW it came into our house. Neil Gaiman is one of my husbands favorite authors and a good friend from Portland might have purchased the book and then stood in line just so that it could be autographed with a special message and under the tree for Christmas day. He's a really good friend. 

So, who is this book written for? 

Everyone. I don't care who you are. This is a beautifully written story about a young boy growing up in the English countryside. The darker themes that present themselves are beautifully interwoven with light moments of whimsy - it calls us back to the days of reading childhood fairy tales... 

...But the real fairy tales that didn't involve musical interludes or happy endings. This is the stuff of great stories that leaves us pondering and thinking and questioning. I can't promise you will leave with a song stuck in your head or warm fuzzy feelings, but you will leave feeling touched, affected, moved. 

It's a really great story. 

Practically, it's a super quick read. So, you can totally knock in out in a day or two (just reading after having putting the kids to bed). 

So, what books have you fell for lately? What should I read this year? Give me your thoughts!

Loaded Resolutions

It's a new year.  Hello 2015!

I took a break from blog life and writing during December. Even before that my efforts had been a bit sporadic. {Cross country moves and adjustments can do that to a gal} The Christmas season served as a nice time to unplug and attempt at "refocus."

I haven't made any resolutions.

I have made a few goals.

I don't THINK resolutions and goals are the same thing. They may very well be, but goals seem to be something to work towards, while resolutions are much more something one simply tries to not screw up.

Call me crazy, but as an already high-anxiety person, I'm not generally drawn to things that make me feel like I am going to totally and utterly fail right from the beginning.

My goals are fairly simple this year.

Write every day.

Create.

Teach my girls.

Stay Calm.

Take Time.

Read. Enjoy.

And that's about it.  They are all actions that I think are going to feed my soul and {as a result} help foster a much richer and more peaceful environment for my family - which I desperately want for this household. The girls are still struggling with transitions and life is generally emotional.

We will aim for passionate stability - a joyous calm.

What are you wanting to do this year? Please, share. I would love to hear about your goals.

Happy {Music} Friday.....Nope. Not Today.

I figured that with yesterday's Shake It Off Battle, you've been "music'd out." I'll resume the whole regularly scheduled program thing next week. Maybe. If I feel like it.

Today, I wanted to talk about Kim Kardashian and her naked body being emblazoned across millions of copies of Paper magazine. If you haven't already seen this - count yourself lucky - I'm sure that you have at least caught wind of it being "a thing." 

Just a few thoughts.

I know a lot of women, friends, men, people in general have read some of my posts about princesses and how as women and very young girls, we are being fed a lie constantly. I've had serious strains in relationships over my views and I've had to defend myself on several occasions. And I am unapologetic 

BECAUSE

Kim Kardashian catapulting to fame via sex video, broken relationships, lots of nude-ish photos, and the basic selling of her body non-stop is just a result of so many of us believing this lie - that our bodies (AKA Beauty) are the only thing we (women) have to offer the world. Everyone wants their shot of fame and how better to do that than (in true Kardashian fashion) get a reality show and sell every little bit of your life. Give it up, ladies.

Women aren't the only ones buying this lie. Obviously, guys are falling for it too. Even when asked why he married Kim, her husband didn't list off anything having to do with her character or her spirit or her mind. I think he basically just said "She was hot." Wow. Kim and Kanye, you deserve each other. Poor North. 

I'll be fair and admit that we can't see everything in their lives - both these folks are selling an image - it's just sad that this is generally to "go to" image that is being sold. Full frontal. No boundaries. No self-respect. 

So, let's take a moment and celebrate some true female greatness. 

Amelia Earhart. 

Mother Teresa

Marie Curie

Charlotte Bronte

You and Me?

There are more awesome women out there (but I'm sipping coffee as fast as I can and trying to get to the gym before 8am - not gonna happen). All of the women pictured above did THEIR thing. They didn't or don't seem to let cultural morays and taboos stand in their way.They don't care what MEN think of them and they certainly don't seem to listen to the critics. 

Kim Kardashian is actually doing all of the above as well....except my examples of feminine greatness don't appear to be selling their bodies. They pursued science, flight, literature, social justice, and motherhood. All really great and honorable things. They all did it with their clothes on (to my understanding) and they all held true to their beliefs and were unyielding (maybe Kim just believes in something much more superficial). 

These are a few of the women we should hold up to our young girls and boys as great examples. But they are not the ONLY great women. These females greats should be peppered in among the mass of strong, REAL women (friends and relatives) that our kids live life with daily. Like Ms. Britt who packs food bags and mentors young mothers still in high school. or Ms. Jessica and Ms. Melissa who are ministering to the people of the Czech Republic. or Ms. Radha who is partnering to revitalize a dying church. or Aunt Beth who stepped away from a career in writing and now home schools and raises her eight children. or Nana who feels like God has her in the classroom to serve kids of active duty servicemen and women. Or Ms. Heather who makes movies. Or Ms. Lyndie who basically sails the money ship of a cancer center. That's a lot of great women...and those are just off the top of my head.  

Our kids need to now what REAL WOMANHOOD looks like. Otherwise we will have girls who view themselves as a commodity and boys who do the same. 

And that is not acceptable.

The "Shake It Off" Battle

I mean, I wish this were a much more interesting battle. Like the Hiphopopotamus vs. the Rhymenoceros.

It's really just more of thought that came through my mind while driving and "Shake it Off" by Taylor Swift cam on the radio. My youngest loves it. Which is somewhat depressing.

Despite the really wacky video...it's a bit vacant. Ms. Swift talks about haters and players and fakers. She hints at her dating life (of course she does). She goes on to kind of tongue in check talk herself up. It's all very "girl power" - if indeed the entirety of a girl's power s seated in her ability to date a lot of guys, be successful, and shake it off  into the arms of a new flavor of the month when she sees her ex with someone new. Very empowering. She also says the  whole OMG thing- which I'm not a fan of. I think it shows a lack of breeding and vocabulary.

Aside: Ms. Swift, you've made millions off a writing songs, but your last two releases have used OMG as a complete "filler." Not cool. Say something meaningful.

It's {the song} is not so much something I want my youngest kiddo singing. However, it's catchy. Darn catchy.

When my oldest was this age, I was jamming to another "Shake it Off" - this one by Florence + The Machine. I remember her asking for it relentlessly. And I gave in without hesitation.

At the time, I thought the lyrics were maybe just a little too heavy for my then two-year-old. The song is about inner demons and having to wrestle with those things in our life that bring us down - whether is were an addiction or self doubt or {fill in the blank}.  While dance-able and catchy it kind of delves into some darker things.

Good 'ol Florence might not have dropped my Lord and Savior's name in vain, but she did say "H-E-L-L" at least once during the song. Still. Darn catchy.

Comparing the two, I think I'd still let my kiddo listen to Florence. I find her honest struggle with the dark times in life much more empowering and realistic and healthy than Ms. Swift's version of shake-it-off-able events.


But - without further ado - for your consideration....

Taylor Swift 

Florence + The Machine

What do you guys think? 

{Dislaimer: Florence + the Machine video DEFINITELY not winning in the child-friendly-video category.....T.Swift wins that one...well, except for the shaking bottoms}

Ma' Girls

I have two girls. Two really great and beautiful girls who enjoy a lot of different things. Building, play fighting, robots, princesses, drawing, painting, and dolls. They like a plethora of stuff and I like it that way.

As a girl who grew up feeling very conscious of her flaws and her "not girly-enoughness" I have had to fight myself at every turn to let my girls be who they are. I resist forcing a bow into their hair. I resist picking out every single outfit. I even resist holding them down while I attempt a ponytail.  I let them be who they are and explore who THEY are. In all their nappy-haired, mismatched glory.

I often lovingly {and jokingly} refer to them as looking "homeless." Please, understand, they look ANYTHING but homeless. They just aren't coiffed and polished. They are more muddy/torn knees and tangled hair in the eyes. It's definitely more Kirk Cobain in style and less Hello Kitty.

So, what am I even writing about?

If you've read my blog, you know that I have kind of a tense relationship with princesses. But please let me clarify that my problem is not with the idea of princesses. They are fairly innocuous, most girls pretend to be princesses, and I consider them just another role from the motley crew of characters that children choose to play act. My issue has mainly to do with the marketing of princesses. The MARKETING of princesses is not innocuous or innocent. It is very much targeted to make your kiddo believe certain "lies" hook, line, and sinker. Well, at least in my opinion.

One of the main lies that all kids are really being fed is what is "girly" and what is "boyish"? And believing this lie (or parents just going along with the marketing teams that are paid millions to keep your kids coming back for more) leads to our kids being pigeon-holed into a consumer identity at a pretty young age.

Now, do I think that boys and girls are categorically different? Yes.

But do I think that the only color options available to girls should be pinks and purples? No.

Do I think that my nephews should be able to play with kitchen toys and not be seen as "girly"? Yes.

Not only are my girls limited in the color palete of ANYTHING that they may want to purchase, they are also slowly being made into little billboards. We went shopping for shoes today and our options were bedazzled, pink, purple, glittered trash shoes. How are girls expected to PLAY in those? Not to mention that almost every shoe option sported some character's face.

I looked over at the boys' selection and what do you think I found? Functional shoes. Way less characters. It's almost like boys should have functional feet & bodies while girls' bodies and feet are more about how we adorn them or, better yet, how marketers can use those bodies to sell stuff.

Many of you may think that I'm overreacting or making a mountain out of a mole hill, but there are much smarter people than me out there making strong cases for how marketing to young children (especially to young girls) is having much larger implications - including the  over-sexualization of  our kids. KIDS.

For really great reads on the subject, The Packaging of Girlhood and Cinderella Ate My Daughter are very thorough.

Do my girls still wear pink. Yep. Do they still play "princess"? Ayup. Do they like bows? Absolutely loathe them. There is still a lot of "traditional girliness" in our midst, but we talk about it ALL the time. Every trip to the store, every commercial, every birthday party - we ask questions, we analyze, and we try to get our girls to see through the dollar signs.

It's gonna be a long road as we continue on this whole raising girls journey and we are certainly not perfect. But I'm really glad that I can reassure my girls that they are girly-enough and absolutely wonderful no matter what they are into wearing or doing.

{Since I know you are all probably curious, we left the store today with some classic Chucky T's - black for the eldest and pink for the little.They both got to pick what would be going on their body, as that is the new rule}

My eldest is also definitely outside "hiking" in our back yard as she wrestles large sticks away from our dog and gives a stirring rendition of "Let it Go."

Holy Moving Batman!

So.

We moved. 

Across the country. 

Again. 

If you are keeping count, that is 4 cross country moves in 5 years (I think). 

Let me caveat by stating that by no means is this the most moving that anybody has ever done. I know lots of wonderful people who have moved farther, more often, and to more exotic places in shorter amounts of time. 

But, I also know that when we have recounted our moves to people who know us they get this look on their faces that implies they think us to be either incredibly adventurous or incredibly certifiable. We happen to be both, thank you very much, don't try to stick us in a box and put a label on us. 

Oh wait. Boxes and labels. Holy Moving Batman. 

So, here is what happened: Hubster was offered a new job in Athens, GA...at our Alma Mater.

How and when and timing of the whole process is a much longer and interesting story and I will write about it later. 

But the relevant part to this particular post is that we are back in the town where we met, fell in love, and started married life. 

Which is really weird. 

I will take a brand new city any day. I'm a military brat and sad to say, it is much easier for me to just move onto another city...let relationships slowly drop off...re-invent myself...and well, move ON. 

But what happens when you have to move BACK. 

The expectations are different. Everything is different. Nothing is as clean or as new or as shiny. 

And your kind of sucked back into who you were five years ago...even though you've done a lot of growing up and have changed a ton. But all of those folks who lived life with you while you were changing and growing up and 'becoming' are in the other cities, the left behind cities....

and you're stuck. 

So, how to navigate it all? Without infringing on the lives of friends who have also moved on and gown up? How to navigate people having to re-get-to-know-you? How to feel freedom in who you are and to really be okay with it?

Guh. 

I have no answers. I really don't. And I'm generally a know-it-all.

I've walked around for the last two weeks in a complete fog. I'm going through the motions and not really registering or acknowledging any emotions or feelings. I think if I can make it through the day, then maybe tomorrow I will wake up and everything will feel settled and normal.

And that is exactly how it will happen.

But until then. I am in a fog. Second guessing every word spoken, wandering around aimless, trying to balance wanting to connect and not being needy.

How many times have you moved in the last 5 years? What's the hardest part of it?  

For the Love of Sleep

For the past 18 days my children have been waking up obscenely early.

5am with a cup of coffee and some peace and quite is contemplative and respectable. 5am with toddlers is masochistic and unforgivable.

I find myself functioning in a two-hour fog while the girls run around screaming like coke-crazed-hyenas demanding their gummy vitamins, probiotics, and juice cups (I mean, their not demanding narcotics or anything, but my kids live for their daily supplements). Most days, I wring my hands at our family decision to make hot breakfast every day...as it actually has to be prepared. At this unspeakable hour, I would gladly give my children cocoa puffs for just a few more minutes of shut eye.

It helps that I happen to think they are cute. They look just like their dad.

I have no idea how in the world to fix this problem. I've tried keeping them up late, making them go to bed early, deleting naps, adding naps, noise machines, putting them back in their beds, bringing them into our bed, begging, pleading, bribing, weeping.

To. No. Avail.

I shall have to break them.

This week I shall be running my children into the ground physically and mentally. Like ponies. {disclaimer: I know nothing of ponies}

I shall take them for walks and runs whilst forcing them to do long division and sentence diagrams.

I will win.

They shall fall into bed every night being absolutely and positively spent. They shall sleep soundly until at least 6:30am - whereupon, I will gladly make them pancakes or oats...whichever my little ponies request.

For the love of Pete!

Plenty and Want

I have been lucky that for most of my life, I've experienced times of plenty.

Plenty of loved ones near (or the ones that I needed near).

Plenty of friends.

Plenty of passionate community.

Plenty of life giving activities nearby.

Plenty of food.

Plenty of hope.

Plenty of laughter.

And yes, in retrospect (and comparison) plenty of money.

I am currently in a time of want.

I am wanting my family. I am wanting a few very dear and wonderful and close friends to be nearer to me (I miss you L&M). I am wanting passionate community. I am wanting a city that inspires me and brings me LIFE. I am NOT wanting for food (don't send money, Mom). I am wanting hope. I am wanting laughter. I am not wanting so much for money, but it would be so nice to have a little wiggle room or the ability to buy my kid a bike...or the ability to take a vacation that is not entirely funded by our parents.

I don't like to admit that I am wanting. It makes me feel weak and vulnerable. More so, I  fear that I will be judged as superficial by people who read this. I don't like being in perpetual want. I'm not particularly good at it. Right now, it certainly feels as though we are wanting for everything excepting health...and if you looked at our mental health, at times we would most definitely be wanting for that.

This is not to say, "Oh, woe is me!"

But to depserately approach the throne and cry, "Oh, Lord. You know my needs. I am still alive. I still draw breath. I have made it through these wanting and empty days. You've seen to it. Oh Father, thank you for sufficiency and for molding me and shaping me. I am glad you know what you're doing. I, however, have no idea what you are doing. No inkling. Not a clue. Please, walk me through this...and help me to kick the dust from my feet joyfully as soon as you call us to leave this season. But for now. I will walk. I will look for joy. I will look to you."

My Mind is Working...

Overtime a bit lately. My mind is working overtime. All the time. Non-stop. Never-ending thoughts and questions and it is exhausting.

I meet with a group of women and we read books. The latest being Jen Hatmaker's "7." We are walking through seven months of taking something away in order to GAIN life. Real life. Real awesome life and freedom.  I like this book.

We are currently in our media month. Which means we take away media. I haven't posted on the blog due to this fast of sorts and I am likely to post much less during this month. The time away from my technology has been eye-opening and has revealed so much to both my husband and myself...and it's only been five days.

As, I have fled my computer (and namely, let's be honest, the internet), I have run to the WORD.

More, I have noticed a very real thirst to STUDY the word of God and not to just read through it. I reached out to a few folks that I know who study the Bible and they gave me some resources to aid in
my quest.

Because, see, as a woman...I have never been taught to STUDY the Bible. I have never been shown the steps or the process. I have been given reading guides. I have been offered the chance to learn from Beth Moore via DVD. I have been invited to countless topical groups. I have never once been pulled aside and walked through what actually individual studying of the word looks like.

So, these past five days, I have been ravenously reading the word, as well as reading books written to help me understand what my personal study should look like. I've been reading overviews and commentaries. I've really been having fun and more often then not, leaving feeling refreshed, uplifted, and completely TINY, miniscule, and undeserving of God's mere notice or affection.

It's a good feeling.

It's a feeling that has brought about a sort of righteous indignation....an anger. Why in the world is there not more out there for a THINKING woman?

Maybe there is and I have just not been pointed towards it. Maybe it's my fault for not knowing where to look. All of these are highly possible and likely.

But let's face it. If a young girl walks into a Christian bookstore, what is she to find? Not a single thing that teaches her the discipline of Bible study. (I totally admit that surely there is something, but it's nothing that she will automatically have offered to her by our current Christian culture).

You know what my life has looked like in Christian book titles that were thrust at me?

You're God's little Girl (Be Nice), You're God's Princess, Kiss Dating Good-Bye and (Whatever You Do) Don't Kiss, How to be God's Princess While You are Waiting on a Husband, How to Be a Godly Fiance, How to Be a Godly Wife, How to Pray for your Husband, How to Make Sure your Marriage Bed is Everything God Wants it to Be, How to Be a Godly Parent, How to be a Better Mom, How to Pray for Your Kids....

Seriously.

Almost every book ever recommended to me (as a woman) focuses on my role in someone else's life. Who I am to someone else.

And in all honesty, most of these books are books of the "self-help" persuasion that have been repackaged with a cross on the cover and a few Bible verses and quack science facts sprinkled at the beginning or end of each chapter.

What about who I am to God? Because, I'm pretty sure that if I am digging into His word and listening to His voice and focusing on KINGDOM issues instead of MY issues, that my big 'ol first world white girl issues will fade and my eyes will be opened to seeing what my Father sees.

And right now, I'm pretty turned-off by what I see.

I want my daughters to READ and STUDY the word. I want my family to be like a seminary. I want us to be able to discuss theology and deeper issues than "So, I should kiss dating good-bye, but then kiss it hello again when I find my husband?"

Does this make sense to ANYONE else? I need Jesus...not self-help. Because it is pretty darn transparent that I cannot help this self.

Is anyone else hungry? Hangry even?

Hot Yoga

I like to think of myself as fit. I like working out, but I certainly go through phases and am somewhat bipolar when it comes to a regime.

I love the results of exercise...endorphins are legal and oh-so-feel-good-drogas from our heavenly father. That's totally the scientific definition.

However, I also love surfing the internet and will find myself lost in a vortex of nothingness for hours on end. Buzzfeed quizzes are of the devil and (on a completely unrelated note) I know exactly which character I would be on every single NBC or FOX comedy. True story.

These two desires are a daily struggle. I would like to not have a pancake bottom...I would also like to watch my alter ego Liz Lemon win at life and eat hotdogs. She makes me feel normal. Blurgh.

I basically want all the things. But don't especially want to exert effort to get all the things (It sounds like terrible grammar, unless you get the reference).

Anyhow.

I'm back on my "we need to get healthy" kick. I took a break after losing 15 lbs earlier this year. Well, with approximately 7 of those lbs finding their way back to my middle and a family beach trip approaching...motivation hath been found.

So, a good friend invited me to her Hot Yoga class.

I've always wanted to try hot yoga and have really been wanting to go to an actual class in general - as opposed to just using my extensive video collection.

Had I known what I was in for...I would have canceled, accepted my fate as an 'out of shape' person, and cut myself a second piece of pie.

First, have you ever left your house in yoga tights? Yeah...me neither. No one should ever have to see me in pants that tight. FYI I definitely layered a few long shirts as to hide any offending areas.

Secondly, it's  by definition HOT. Layering for modesty comes to be seen as an antiquated and downright quaint practice whilst melting away to nothing and posed like a dolphin. I did refrain from stripping down to my undergarments, but I'm not going to say that the thought didn't cross my mind (it was a women's only class after all).

Thirdly, you have to stare at yourself in a mirror. Which is actually a very freeing process. For one, I now realize that some people look really graceful in the practice of yoga. I am not one of those people.  Did I mention that I do a great impression of an ostrich suffering from vertigo?

Fourthly (is that even a word?), you will leave your 45 minute torture session class knowing your limitations, respecting what your body can do, and feeling a huge sense of empowerment.

Fifthly, classes like this create a sisterhood. During the class I never once got the feeling that anyone was watching me or judging me. We were all collectively struggling against gravity and our mindsets (you try telling your mind that it's okay to get in some of those poses). We certainly did not have time to concern ourselves with the woman in too tight pants breathing heavily as she quietly sobbed in child's pose.

Sixthly (yeah, I'm just inventing adverbs now), I was brought to a place of reckoning. It is the place in all worthy endeavors where we think, "This is happening. I'm pretty sure I should turn back now. All signs are telling me 'DO NOT CONTINUE,' but I think the end result is worth it. I really don't want to do this. There is no way out. This is happening."

My places of reckoning have been transformative: my first day teaching, the day Matt and I moved to a city across the country site unseen, the moments I gave birth to my daughters (and the several hours leading up to them), and Hot Yoga.

Giggle if you must, but once you have committed to downward-triangle-hike-your-leg-over-your-neck-and-breath-pose...there is no getting out of that situation gracefully. One must endure.

What are your reckoning moments? 

Traveling is Not for the Faint of Heart

The girls and I are currently visiting my folks in GA. Family is really about as good as you can get and having my momma, daddy, sis, bro-in-law, and nephews & niece around for an entire week is a special kind of sweetness.

Single-parenting and traveling alone with my own babies is another story. Still sweet, but it's a hard-hard-difficult thing that pretty much makes me feel pretty neutral about traveling and visits in general.

My kids are REALLY well-traveled for their ages and I feel as though we have an airplane routine that works for us. A lot of parents worry about the airplane routine...I never really worry about the plane. (1) It's a limited amount of time with an end in sight (about 3.5 hours). (2) A bag of Cheetos given to a zealous 3-year-old to share with her sister lasts approximately 4 hours. (3) No one is really caring about your parenting philosophy or judging too harshly at several thousand feet. Everyone just wants to get to the ground alive and with their ear drums fully functioning.

Best air travel advice I ever got: "You want the moon honey? With a cherry on top? It's yours. How 'bout some whipped cream with that?" For real, if it's not too outlandish a request and does pose an imminent threat to the other passengers, my babies get what they want on an airplane. As an aside: my children have received several hundreds of compliments from skeptical-turned-pleasantly surprised passengers.

So, what's HARD?

Well. Single parents are my heroes. It's hard being the only one parenting. Because let's face it, my relatives are going to spoil the snot out of my kids...which doesn't work so great for consistency or routine. Also, if you're flying on a plane, you're most likely gonna deal with a time change. If I multiply our "Spring Forward" experiences by THREE, my kids are living in a special kind of through-the-looking-glass-sleep-deprived-dementia. Also, poop.

The past three days have been so good, but so hard.

For one, I openly admit my husband is a much better parent than I am. I try, but he and my oldest can handle "conflict" (read: fits) much more effectively. When I am left to my own devices, my three year old and I end up crying piles of mess. Lack of sleep and consistency + three-year-old brain (minus daddy) and you have the perfect equation for EVERYTHING being a fight. As an example: I was yelled at today for making her bagel EXACTLY how she has liked it for forever.

If you ever want a crash course in patience and trying not to lose your stuff with your kids. Travel solo. After several thousand tears, you'll get the hang of it.

The time changes are harder. Namely, because I can't control time. I've talked to God about that job title and the possible extra responsibility - usually at 5am EST which is 3am MT, the kids having gone to bed mere hours earlier. God and I have decided that I couldn't handle the time/space continuum and that my efforts in bathing and drinking coffee would be better appreciated by the general public.

If you travel, just know it could result in your kids sleeping like champs or not sleeping at all. Again, roll with it and try your hardest to not have an emotional break down. You're gonna need coffee.

Poop.

This one is tricky. Nothing magnifies to difficulties of travel like your potty-trained kid deciding to completely disregard all rules of basic society, biology...Leviticus. Expect there to be bowel trouble. If you expect the worse, then those mornings when you DON'T awake to poo-covered sheets & a traumatized kid will be icing on the cake, my friends.

Bottom Line:
Traveling is hard on your kids. It's for real hard on you. Do not engage in anger. It can't fix anything and it confuses your kids...who are already confused, struggling, and nervous (but have no way to talk about or express those emotions).

If you travel alone with your kids often, you are a hero and deserve a parade. Go'head with your bad self...and don't forget the Cheetos.

Radio Silence

I'm going quiet(er) for the next few days. My apologies.

A cold that has turned into an infection + a few other 'real' life fun times are demanding most of my attention...and I have two tots.

I hope to meet you again, fully-worded and raring to go on Monday.

Vacations

...almost always and forevermore on a budget and with children.

The family and I took a jaunt up to Jackson, WY the weekend before last.

My husband had to be there a few days for work, so like the social pariah/leaches adventuresome girls that we are, the tots and I tagged along.

Full disclosure: we as a family do not do well apart. We need each other and cling to each other and notably long for any member of our little tribe who is absent at the moment. It's a precious and beautiful thing.

Jackson, WY is gorgeous. It's a little mountain ski-bum town snuggled away in the North-Eastern part of the state. It gets thousands of visitors in the winter and summer months - normally outdoor enthusiasts. Like any small town, boasting beautiful vistas and subsisting off of tourism dollars, it is RIDICULOUSLY EXPENSIVE.

The hubs and I are well-traveled, but not as a result of having tons of money. We vacation in camp grounds and dive hotels. We maybe eat "out" once a day or not at all to conserve money, opting instead to make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches while enjoying the free cable in our hotel room.

We know our means, live within them, and don't expect to "have everything" simply because others might have more. We know where we stand in the pecking order. And while awesome vacations to Europe (or hey, even going to Jackson and being able to afford to ski for the day) would be nice, we're kind of okay with where we are.

A weekend away was thoroughly needed. Our part of Wyoming (and I use the term "our" loosely) is windy...the wind pretty much makes all outdoor play for adults and tots impossible. Jackson does not have said wind problem. It was as though we experienced true quite and silent for the first time in two years.

Our days were filled with happy girls running on sidewalks and playing in snow. We even splurged and went to the Children's Museum (I'm thoroughly convinced that all children's museums are not at all worth the money when you have 2 toddlers and are just visiting the town for a day or two). The girls had a great time and the adults enjoyed a few nights of serious talks and dreaming...

Good for the soul.

How do you vacation?

Eleven Years

Eleven years ago today...

A very handsome, curly headed 19-year-old boy knocked on my apartment door.

I was expecting him. See, earlier that day we had talked about "needing to talk." Not just any talk - the DTR {Defining of The Relationship}.

We had been on a few dates and had been shamelessly "fake dating" for MONTHS before that.

Fake dating (as defined by Lydia): Hanging out a lot, always in groups, and chatting about anything and everything while obviously having a possible romantic interest in one another.  Fake dating also entails being absolutely terrified to make a move that would change the label of said relationship from "friend" to "dating" practicing self-discipline and wisdom in truly taking a step back and prayerfully considering whether this is a person you could marry.

Aside: Fake dating is what I, Ladies and Gents, will encourage my girls to do. 

That curly-headed, clean-shaven fella walked into my apartment.

We sat down and talked...just like we always had. It was EASY to talk because we had been friends for a while. 

Nothing too romantic or soppy was said. That's not our style.

And I won't share any particulars because they are pieces of sweetness that I have treasured in my heart for the last eleven beautiful years.

But I will divulge that the conversation ended with

"I want to pursue this."
"I would like that."

It's burned into my memory and forever will be. It was the moment my husband chose ME. It is the moment he chose to pursue ME...and he didn't have to do anything, but be wise enough to take his time in asking and brave enough to ask when he felt he needed to. {Go'head Hubs} 

Best. Gift. Ever. 

Dear Barnes & Noble:

Dear Barnes & Noble,

I've been shopping with you for years. I do love local "Mom & Pop" book shops, but as those are fading into the background of our society's cultural fabric, I have found my way to your front door on several occasions.

You have a killer kiddo section. I have killer kiddos.

It's a match made on a Tuesday afternoon when some poor soul has to don a Dr. Seuss costume and dance for the natives in heaven {cough}.

I've enjoyed coffee with you as I've perused your travel section and bargain-priced Dr. Who trinkets.

You've offered me comfort on a rainy day, solace when I need to clear my mind, and WiFi when I was a cheap college student who couldn't afford it.

But our relationship stops here.

I was once again wandering your aisles looking for some literary goodies as my husband chased my children after story time. I found my items, took my almost 4-year-old by the hand, and she helped me "check-out" as always.

My Big Girl is smart, independent, and she likes doing things by herself.

She's also observant.

Which comes into play when she innocently asked me "Momma, what are those girls doing?"

I could sense that something was off in her tone. I looked down and it smacked in the face.

Three naked women with their {there's no other word for it in this context} lady parts hanging out, hugging on one another and smiling seductively: Sport Illustrated: Swim Suit Edition

...at eye level with my three-year-old. The sexual objectification of over half the human population (which I have tried to shield her from) starring back at her- as I look on slack-jawed and enraged.

Thank you B&N for willfully assaulting the innocence of my child. You should be ashamed.

As a fairly obvious question: WHY?

Who is that display for?

Is it for the 3-year-old sized man who happens to want to grab a bit of soft-core-porn on his way out of the store?

Because as I see it. The "Swimsuit Edition" has become the "Birthday Suit Edition" and that filth needs to be burned put behind a screen on a high shelf in an area not frequented by children. 

As it was, I tried to flip it over...only to find an equally disgusting depiction of a woman. I then angrily muttered that there was "simply no escaping it."

To which your female employee embarrassingly hung her head and whispered, "No there isn't."

Just so you know, B&N, I responded to my daughter's question:

"Those girls are not honoring God and are showing us how little respect they have for themselves and other girls...like you."

And my response to your EXTREME lapse in basic judgement:

Sexual objectification is hurtful, detrimental, and damaging. See video below.

Until Never. Losing a customer.

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Check out this great Ted talk by Caroline Heldman on the dangers of sexual objectification.

Perspectives and Opinions

We as a people have lost the ability to actually have conflict...healthy conflict. In real life. And by this I mean actual discourse.

It's as though no one wants to actually say, "Hey, I disagree" or "Hey, that's not logical or "Wow, that is pretty wrong on a lot of levels" as an invitation for further discussion. We just want to tell people that they are wrong, but lack the conviction to actually have a discussion.

So, we engage conflict in funny ways or we do it super passive aggressively or super passively for that matter. We don't actually WANT to have a conversation where we are forced to be challenged or (God forbid) challenge others.

It's too much responsibility. It gets messy. And more often than not, it gets personal.

Well, I have an opinion. I express my opinion via this blog...which has like 17 readers...so, I'm not changing to world or anything. But I am expressing my opinion. It's cathartic. I get something out of it and I know a few other folks who enjoy reading what I write (Hi, Mom!).

I am a passionate person. I am an opinionated person. I don't apologize for it. I used to, but I'm a grown woman...and at some point in the past few years, I have felt a lot of freedom in being able to BE ME.

For some unknown reason, God made me this way.

It doesn't mean that I can't be gentle or understanding, but it does mean that when I see poor behavior in adults, I'm probably going to call it out. When a see something in our society that I don't agree with, I'm going to speak up. When I have an opinion on something, I'm going to share it.

I'm sure many of you feel (and act) the same way.

I want to have daughters (children) who are okay being themselves and who don't have to feel weird or odd or less...or like they are not worthy of forming or holding an opinion. I want them to THINK on subjects and openly have debate and discourse. These used to be activities that took place around the dinner table or in coffee shops (read: taverns) helping us hone our identities as people.

So, if something I write offends you - just tell me. I'm a big girl and you're entitled to your opinion (just like I am mine). It's one of the awesome things about becoming an adult - You now have enough life experience to form an opinion and to come at life from YOUR perspective.

And we all have different ones (perspectives).

So, we should walk through life expecting a clash in perspectives and inviting the opportunity to learn from one another.

Let's not shy away from being challenged or growing or sharing or debating.

I do apologize if any of my words have been harsh or biting (or maybe just too honest). Believe it or not most everything I write (be it a blog post, a letter, or an email) goes through a vetting, editing, and filtering process by people I love and respect and trust. They know me and they try to keep harsh and biting at bay.

So while I might apologize when a certain phrase or post is taken the wrong way or in a way that is unintended, I'm not going to apologize for my opinion.

Shopping With Love {Part 2}

Today is my day to write for the 40-Day Noonday Blog Train {Giveaway}.

Here is the rest of my talk on Ethical Consumerism + My giveaway and how you can enter to win.

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On November 24, 2012 a fire broke out at Tazreen Fashions Factory in the garment district of Dhaka, Bangladesh.

On the night of the fire, more than 1,150 people were inside the eight-story building, working overtime shifts to fill orders for various international brands. Fire officials say the blaze broke out in the open-air ground floor, where large mounds of fabric and yarn were illegally stored.

But on some floors, managers ordered the employees to ignore a fire alarm and continue to work. Precious minutes were lost. Then, as smoke and fire spread throughout the building, many workers were trapped, unable to descend the smoke-filled staircases, and they were blocked from escape by iron grilles on many windows. Desperate workers managed to break open some windows and leap to safety on the roof of a building nearby. Others simply jumped from upper floors to the ground. 117 died and 200 were injured. {Thanks, NY Times}

A factory building collapsed in April of 2013 outside Dhaka, killing more than 1,000 workers. That building was constructed with substandard materials and in blatant disregard of building codes. The factory owners again told workers to return to their jobs despite evidence that the building was unsafe,

I highlight these two recent tragedies for one reason:

1100 people have died because WE wanted shirts that cost $10.

Bangladesh has more than 5,000 garment factories, which employ over four million workers, many of them young women. Bangladesh handles orders for nearly all of the world’s top brands and retailers. It has become an export powerhouse largely by delivering lower costs, in part by having the lowest wages in the world for garment workers. Garments constitute about four-fifths of the country’s manufacturing exports, and the industry is expected to grow rapidly. {Thanks Again, NY Times}

Changing the practices of the garment industry will take a mountain of people voting with their dollars to change such an integral part of the global economy.

BUT it has always taken a mountain of people doing what is right at the cost of their own welfare, good, or interests to affect change.

We don’t hear about these tragedies happening in the USA often. That’s because we have labor laws and unions. We’ve had factory fires and tragedies (the Triangle Shirtwaist factory fire of 1911 that killed 123 women and 23 men). These events became a catalyst for labor unions and worker safety legislation. We are very lucky to currently live in an era of our country’s history...where this is not an everyday concern for you or me or our husbands or our children.

What happened as a solution to US public outcry against poor working conditions?

Every problem or bad practiced was simply exported to another developing country. We ended slavery HERE but essentially enslaved thousands of others in their own homelands all in the name of "good business."

These jobs are the only jobs available for so many men and women (and children) and they are only available because there is a demand overseas for inexpensive & fashionable clothing...and because we choose to turn a blind eye to the plight of the oppressed.

And there is a better way.

There is a gospel-centered way.

Buying ethically is not just a social movement. It calls us to be fair and just and mindful and purposeful. It calls us to go without plenty so that others can have something. It calls us to stand up for the oppressed. To shine a light in the darkness.

I wish I could put it in the back of my mind and choose to see it as just a social movement, but Ethical Consumerism is a kingdom movement.

Jeremiah 22:3

This is what the LORD says: Do what is just and right. Rescue from the hand of the oppressor the one who has been robbed. Do no wrong or violence to the foreigner, the fatherless or the widow, and do not shed innocent blood in this place.

                               

Zechariah 7:9

"Thus has the LORD of hosts said, Dispense true justice and practice kindness and compassion each to his brother;

Proverbs 22:22-23

Do not rob the poor because he is poor, Or crush the afflicted at the gate; For the LORD will plead their case And take the life of those who rob them.

Psalms 82:3-4

Vindicate the weak and fatherless; Do justice to the afflicted and destitute. Rescue the weak and needy; Deliver them out of the hand of the wicked.

                       

Luke 11:42

"But woe to you Pharisees! For you pay tithe of mint and rue and every kind of garden herb, and yet disregard justice and the love of God; but these are the things you should have done without neglecting the others.

The bigness and the enormity of social justice issues make them intimidating to us as individuals. I for one do not think that I am an elegant mouth piece for justice and change when I am elbow deep in dirty diapers and temper tantrums. But God has been very clear. He has never turned from the afflicted, the needy, the oppressed.

As a stay-at-home-mom, I feel like I am in a season where my children are my “ministry” and that I indeed will have to WAIT for any other, higher, calling - for these BIGGER things...And so I put these BIGGER things in the back of my mind. I discount them. They are not for me right now.

Proverbs 31:8-9

Open your mouth for the mute, For the rights of all the unfortunate. Open your mouth, judge righteously, And defend the rights of the afflicted and needy.

Isaiah 1:17

learn to do good; seek justice, correct oppression; bring justice to the fatherless, plead the widow’s cause.

I write today to tell you that as Christians {or as people who believe in human dignity and equality} we have a calling to the least of these. That calling is now.  

We cannot physically be on the ground (right now) to rescue a family out of a brick kiln in India; We cannot picket the front lines of a garment factory in Bangladesh; We cannot break into the brothels worldwide and rescue children from their traffickers.

But we can shop. We ALREADY SHOP. We can buy things. We can protest with our dollars and our cents. We can raise our collective voice...as consumers.

I think most of you do what I do. We work the coupon, we save the money, we make the most out of what we have. We make a lot of the decisions when it comes to when and why and how and where purchases for our families happen. That is a lot of power in a global economy when the only voice that matters is that of the dollar.

All of the sudden we can take consumerism that doesn't recognize the gospel nor the love of Jesus Christ...and we can turn it on its head! And we can purchase the things we need for the good of others.

It’s not charity...it’s purchasing with a conscience. It’s purchasing with a purpose. It’s shopping ethically - consciously choosing to do the right thing.

So what does that look like - being an ethical consumer?

1. It means buying less, but spending just as much.That sounds unrealistic, wasteful, and “not worth the trouble.” But in essence what you are committing to doing is trading MORE “okay” stuff for less “I love this!” stuff.

My husband and I have made the decision to no longer buy something JUST because it’s a “good deal.” In saying that I mean that we no longer ‘settle’ on something we don’t love, or that doesn’t fit perfectly simply because it’s cheap.

It means I don’t eat a lot of chocolate. I have changed my life to reflect what I can afford to buy (when I factor in the TOTAL cost of the good).

We can no longer justify buying LOTS of cheap goods on the backs of slaves, rather than supporting another ethically sound business.

It means I live with less - which is incredibly freeing.

2. It means that I do my research and find companies who have ideals and visions that line up with my own (Toms, Warby Parker, Seamly, Noonday Collection) ...and I support them. It means that in doing that same research, I have to walk away from retailers that turn a blind eye to injustice. Which is not a FUN thing...I really like OLD Navy and Target, but I can’t support them.

3. It means (sometimes) I buy second hand. If I am buying my clothes from the local consignment shop or the goodwill - then I am not feeding the companies that turn a blind eye to the complete disregard for human life in their overseas factories. Along these same lines, you can organize clothing swaps among groups of women that you know. Everyone coming together and exchanging gently used clothes for gently used clothes. Costing nothing.  

4. It means that my family and I save money differently. Do you know that millions of people around the world live off $1 a day? Many of these men and women do not have the ability to save money in a way that enables them to get ahead or invest or create businesses. Work is never steady and the money is spent on basic necessities as soon as it is earned. Many men and women have formed saving clubs (a community savings system that pulls community money to benefit one family at a time) or they apply for microloans (traditional loans are next to impossible for many of the impoverished to get). Did you know that you can invest in the LIFE of someone else for as little as a $25, no-interest microloan with a 98% payback rate? $25. That is equivalent to 5 trips to Starbucks...changing someone’s life.

5. It means that I am a mouthpiece. As most of you know. I am an ambassador for Noonday Collection {a company whose vision is to provide men and women paths out of poverty by providing dignified employment in...FASHION}. Noonday Collection works with Artisans around the globe and is CHANGING LIVES. One thing I am good at is being loud. Noonday Collection allows me a platform, to enter into peoples homes and share the stories of the hundreds of lives that are being changed through...work. Not charity. Not ministry...dignified work.

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So, Here is my Giveaway. I want you to go to Noonday Collection and read our Artisan Stories. Fill your soul with stories of redemption and second chances. Post a comment below about your favorite story...and you will be entered to win a $50 Noonday Gift Voucher. 

{Contest will be closed to entries 03/08/2014 @ 10pm MT}

Thanks for Reading & Best of Luck!

Don't forget to check out yesterday's Noonday Giveaway (and Tomorrow's). {wink}

Shopping with Love {Part 1}

Today begins a two-part series on "Ethical Consumerism." Today is a primer, if you will, and a basic introduction to my post tomorrow which is part of the 40-Day Noonday Collection blog train. A bunch of us ambassadors get together every start of a new season to spread the word, share our hearts, and host fun giveaways. {Check out my "Noonday Blog Train" Page for more details}

Anyhow. A few weeks ago, I gave a talk on "Ethical Consumerism" to a group of wonderful ladies from Ft. Collins, CO. It was a blast. Here is part one of that talk.

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I was born to be a shopper. Meaning that I was raised from a young age on a diet of eye-buying, Black Fridays, the day after Christmas, Presidents Day, Valentine’s Day, St. Patrick’s Day. You name it and I was shopping it. My mom could work a store. She would always find the best deal and she taught me and shopping became “our thing.” We shopped a lot. I have way too many childhood memories that take place in stores or malls or bazaars or markets or factory outlets.They are good memories.

And then I got married.

My husband and I lived below the poverty line for a good portion of our first few years of marriage. I did not get to shop a lot. My mom and I would still go shopping (her treat), but it became less of a regular thing and became a “when necessary” thing. When I did venture out to shop, my husband and I only looked at sales or clearance racks ONLY (out of necessity). To buy something at full price seemed really extravagant and wasteful. We might not be able to get something we LOVED, but we were able to get the things that we needed. We were being good stewards of our funds. Only buying what we needed and actively trying to get the best deal.

Then, my husband and I found a new church. It met in a downtown bar on Sunday evenings in Athens, GA. We walked in and they had little coffee carafes waiting on us. We grabbed a cup of coffee and sat down for worship. It was a good service and we found a few couples we knew afterwards and started talking. I distinctly remember one of the elders telling us about how the coffee was fair-trade.

The fair-trade terminology had been around a few years at that point. I knew Starbucks had a few fair trade blends and I knew there were some fair trade shops in town. But I also equated fair trade with EXPENSIVE and kind of useless. It wasn’t until we started regularly attending that church (who admittedly had a social justice vision) that I even knew what fair trade was. I was ignorant.

Fair trade can be defined as:

an organized social movement that aims to help producers in developing countries to make better trading conditions and promote sustainability. It advocates the payment of a higher price to exporters as well as higher social and environmental standards. It focuses in particular on exports from developing countries to developed countries, most notably handicrafts, coffee, cocoa, sugar, tea, bananas, honey, cotton, wine, fresh fruit, chocolate, flowers, and gold

{Thanks, Wikipedia...which is not a valid source, but will do just fine for my purposes today}.

So, what that definition is basically saying is in the fair trade movement we pay a higher price to insure that certain social and environmental standards are being met - whether that is paying a living wage or creating sustainable practices within business.

Looking at it from that definition (which is a good one), at that time in my life I didn’t have access to buy many of these things labeled “fair trade.” Not only that, but these goods are by definition MORE expensive...and not NECESSITIES. So, thinking that it was merely a “social” movement, I just kind of put fair trade in the back of my mind. It was a great thing for other people to do, but it just was not a possibility for me.

But we kept going to our church and having conversations about social justice. We learned about International Justice Mission and began supporting them. and through IJM our eyes were pried open and we had to stare into the injustices of the world - the plight of widows in Uganda, the orphan crisis, the global sex trade, modern day slavery.

But wait! Hey, Lydia. Stop! We were gonna talk about shopping and maybe mani pedis and frilly pretty things.

But this is where shopping gets ugly. It's where shopping got ugly for me.

Because it’s basic economics, right? I mean, businesses want to make the most profit. So, they manufacture a shirt. Which means that there is a cost for making that shirt. Factor in hours of labor, materials, advertising, health insurance, rent,electricity, water, maybe dental (if you’re lucky), and a decent profit margin. We (as the smart and frugal consumer) walk into OLD NAVY and buy that same shirt on clearance for $3.99. And at $3.99 that company is STILL making a profit. And the numbers do not add up.

So you think - Well, clothing factories aren’t in the USA. Most of them are overseas where we can pay less dollars and people can still make a decent living because of currency exchanges and different standards of living, etc. etc.

And here is where I have to stop you and tell you:

That shirt that you bought for $3.99 is really worth $40 and the the difference wasn’t made up by Old Navy’s shareholders taking a cut to their quarterly earnings…

the difference was PAID by somebody having to SACRIFICE their human dignity.

The difference was TAKEN from someone’s worth.

The difference was STOLEN from someone.

And I’m sorry to say, that you and I can never look at that $3.99 shirt the same way again. 

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{Until Tomorrow}