Taking Control

I am a creature of habit and control. I am never fully at peace and find that even in the most intimate, life-giving, and intoxicating moments I am thinking upon the past, the present, and the future...two of which I cannot control. I relive moments with shame and hurt and joy, things that I cannot and will not be able to change. I imagine scenarios, things to come, improbable and wild. I fail to look at the moment, my moment, our moment, and see the great beauty - I only critique the insufficient and wanting. I must learn to live. I must learn to feel each breath and taste each mouthful of life with fearlessness and abandon. I must experience God in every moment of my waking and of my being. I must lay aside those feelings and desires to control...yielding to the will of one who knows what I need to live. I must relax and let Him in, let Him lead, let Him be in control.