ORIGINALLY WRITTEN ON MONDAY:
Okay, enough with the gloomy posts (and weather). Today is absolutely beautiful. In fact, it's the first nice day we have had in a few weeks - pretty enough for our realtor to come out and take photos of our home for an "online tour." The hubs and I have been working like mad to get the house ready to show for the past few months: de-cluttering, painting, mowing, cleaning, re-cleaning, more cleaning....our house has never looked this nice. It's nice to be at the point where the "ball is starting to roll."
A clean house just makes my day. I wake up happy. I go through my day feeling like I've already tackled something huge. I'm so thankful that this weekend was such a great use of time and that the results were/are so worth it.
Saturday, I spent eating doughnuts, watching Miami Ink, and draping a slip cover for a chair. I've made a slip cover once before which was a half-success. This cover, I took my time with it and draped directly onto the chair - pinning and piecing as I went. What a wonderful way to sew! The only drawback is that when your finished (and if you like the end result) you have no pattern for easy reproduction - unless, of course, you're willing to pull apart everything you have pinned...I wasn't.
Sunday, I woke up and headed out to Michael's to buy some flowers for an arrangement in our guest room. Our guest room has been less than bare for the past few years. However, my parents recently bought new bedding for this room and it totally inspired me to make this my little feminine, shabby chic, hideaway. An old window frame, mixed-and-match furniture, and a vintage hobnail vase with peonies and pink hydrangeas make a BIG difference. After tweaking my new favorite place, I set off to make the rest of my house equally as enchanting (cough) I mean clean.
I vacuumed, tidied, and scrubbed to my heart's content - and now I have a clean house. I forgot how good it feels.
3.30.2009
3.28.2009
Rain
For all of you in our part of the world, this is one of my favorite songs and it's been playing through my head the past few days - I can't get enough of Ms. Patty Griffin sometimes.
3.27.2009
The seasons are changing...and so is our life
My hubby and I have had a rough few weeks and needless, to say our entire life has been thrown off balance. Balance is way overrated. Personally, I find that I do my best thinking, creating, praying, and loving when I'm in a place where something is out of sync or step. It's like a change in rhythm in the middle of a song...some people hate it...but it brings monotony to an end and makes the song come back to life.
God is so good when He brings to the point of realization that our life needs a change in rhythm. My hubby and I had been wrestling recently with what our next steps would be. What did God have? The hubs is finishing law school...my job allows a lot of flexibility...we certainly felt a call elsewhere, but what? Where? In the current economic climate it seemed to risky to even dare entertain thoughts of leaving a paying job. No, the safe, logical, responsible option was to stay put until the economy improved.
Then came the pregnancy.
Something about being pregnant. Knowing that you will be a mother or a father and realizing that that little child will receive so many life lessons simply from observing how you live, lights a fire deep inside. It'll burn you. It'll burn the very essence of you completely - if there's nothing worthy of remaining or emulating. Matt and I totally feel victim to the fire. Habits started breaking left and right. Confidence grew.
We decided that we weren't going to let ourselves become people who settled; people who were safe; people who didn't have the faith to listen, take the risk, and step out. That wasn't what we wanted for our children...why would we want it for ourselves?
Our baby was the catalyst. We jumped.
My husband applied to take the bar in a state we have never been too. I told my boss I would not be returning for the coming school year. We called a realtor and put our house on the market.
And now...we fall...we wait...we pray.
New life...here we come...here we are.
God is so good when He brings to the point of realization that our life needs a change in rhythm. My hubby and I had been wrestling recently with what our next steps would be. What did God have? The hubs is finishing law school...my job allows a lot of flexibility...we certainly felt a call elsewhere, but what? Where? In the current economic climate it seemed to risky to even dare entertain thoughts of leaving a paying job. No, the safe, logical, responsible option was to stay put until the economy improved.
Then came the pregnancy.
Something about being pregnant. Knowing that you will be a mother or a father and realizing that that little child will receive so many life lessons simply from observing how you live, lights a fire deep inside. It'll burn you. It'll burn the very essence of you completely - if there's nothing worthy of remaining or emulating. Matt and I totally feel victim to the fire. Habits started breaking left and right. Confidence grew.
We decided that we weren't going to let ourselves become people who settled; people who were safe; people who didn't have the faith to listen, take the risk, and step out. That wasn't what we wanted for our children...why would we want it for ourselves?
Our baby was the catalyst. We jumped.
My husband applied to take the bar in a state we have never been too. I told my boss I would not be returning for the coming school year. We called a realtor and put our house on the market.
And now...we fall...we wait...we pray.
New life...here we come...here we are.
3.14.2009
Story of a Miscarriage
I want to tell the story of losing my baby. I don't know if it's inappropriate or too personal for a blog. I don't even know if I'll ever publish this; but if I don't just get all these words out of me I might just explode.
We found out that we were pregnant on January 31, 2009. Both sets of our parents were visiting us - helping us clean our house and get it ready to put on the market. We didn't tell anyone. That day was unreal for me. Even though I was doing work - I was floating. I saw that plus sign as so many promises being fulfilled.
We waited another week and took another test. It too came out with a little plus sign and was just too wonderful to believe. We decided that day to call the grandparents and the new aunts and uncles to let them know. We would still wait a little longer to share with extended family and friends.
At 8 weeks we shared the news with our church family and our extended family. Everyone was so excited for us and we were so excited too. We had tried for a year for this baby and had been using fertility drugs for two months. This was a baby that God had promised me since I found out that I would have trouble conceiving when I was only 15. I was going to be a momma...and God was so good.
At 10 weeks we had just finished a trip to my husband's family to celebrate the marriage of his cousin. It was so wonderful. We shared the news with my husband's 93 year-old grandfather and the rest of the family. We talked about the future and our little baby. Hubby's mom even bought me a few little maternity items as I was starting to show just a little. We spent the whole drive home discussing names.
We came back home on a Monday. I started bleeding on a Tuesday and was fully miscarrying by Wednesday afternoon. It was the worse pain ever - the cramps were unbearable - almost as unbearable as knowing that I couldn't control what my body was doing to my cherished little one.
I took those moments to talk to the baby. To tell it how much Daddy and I wanted it. How sad we were that we would never meet him. I prayed for our little one and explained to the baby that God would take such better care of him than we ever could. I cried. I wept. I told the baby that any pain would end soon. It might be considered a futile act, but I needed it.
I bled through towels, sheets, clothing, our couch. Finally, I gave up and just sat naked in our bathtub. It was at this time that I passed what was recognizably our baby. It was heart-breaking, mesmerizing, and precious that God would give us the opportunity to look upon our little one just once.
I was in "active" miscarriage mode until about 4am. I just sat there for hours pushing...cleaning out my body - knowing that this was more natural and less emotionally scarring than a D&C. Hubby laid in our bed and listened to me just groan and moan. He checked on me often. He prayed and cried. I came to bed a little after 4am. I fell face down and just laid there numb to it all.
I woke up this next day - kept bleeding - kept crying. I read my bible and prayed. Hubby went and bought doughnuts and chocolate milk. We made coffee and just sat. Neither of us knowing what to say that would be of comfort. Both of us, taking our little moments to just weep. Not knowing how we were going to tell people - and immediately regretting telling them in the first place.
It's been a 2 weeks today...God is still so good.
God bless my Little Poppyseed. God bless my womb. God bless the babies to come.
We found out that we were pregnant on January 31, 2009. Both sets of our parents were visiting us - helping us clean our house and get it ready to put on the market. We didn't tell anyone. That day was unreal for me. Even though I was doing work - I was floating. I saw that plus sign as so many promises being fulfilled.
We waited another week and took another test. It too came out with a little plus sign and was just too wonderful to believe. We decided that day to call the grandparents and the new aunts and uncles to let them know. We would still wait a little longer to share with extended family and friends.
At 8 weeks we shared the news with our church family and our extended family. Everyone was so excited for us and we were so excited too. We had tried for a year for this baby and had been using fertility drugs for two months. This was a baby that God had promised me since I found out that I would have trouble conceiving when I was only 15. I was going to be a momma...and God was so good.
At 10 weeks we had just finished a trip to my husband's family to celebrate the marriage of his cousin. It was so wonderful. We shared the news with my husband's 93 year-old grandfather and the rest of the family. We talked about the future and our little baby. Hubby's mom even bought me a few little maternity items as I was starting to show just a little. We spent the whole drive home discussing names.
We came back home on a Monday. I started bleeding on a Tuesday and was fully miscarrying by Wednesday afternoon. It was the worse pain ever - the cramps were unbearable - almost as unbearable as knowing that I couldn't control what my body was doing to my cherished little one.
I took those moments to talk to the baby. To tell it how much Daddy and I wanted it. How sad we were that we would never meet him. I prayed for our little one and explained to the baby that God would take such better care of him than we ever could. I cried. I wept. I told the baby that any pain would end soon. It might be considered a futile act, but I needed it.
I bled through towels, sheets, clothing, our couch. Finally, I gave up and just sat naked in our bathtub. It was at this time that I passed what was recognizably our baby. It was heart-breaking, mesmerizing, and precious that God would give us the opportunity to look upon our little one just once.
I was in "active" miscarriage mode until about 4am. I just sat there for hours pushing...cleaning out my body - knowing that this was more natural and less emotionally scarring than a D&C. Hubby laid in our bed and listened to me just groan and moan. He checked on me often. He prayed and cried. I came to bed a little after 4am. I fell face down and just laid there numb to it all.
I woke up this next day - kept bleeding - kept crying. I read my bible and prayed. Hubby went and bought doughnuts and chocolate milk. We made coffee and just sat. Neither of us knowing what to say that would be of comfort. Both of us, taking our little moments to just weep. Not knowing how we were going to tell people - and immediately regretting telling them in the first place.
It's been a 2 weeks today...God is still so good.
God bless my Little Poppyseed. God bless my womb. God bless the babies to come.
3.12.2009
Our Baby
Dear Friends & Family,
Just as it was our joy to share with you the news of our pregnancy, it is equally our sorrow (if not more so) to share with you that Lydia suffered a miscarriage during the last few days.
Monday, after a day of errands and light yard work, Lydia started to bleed. We went in for an ultrasound on Wednesday (10 weeks to the day) to check up on the baby. It seems that our little "poppyseed" failed to progress after the 5th week and that this pregnancy was not even viable when we shared the news with most of you. We returned home that morning and waited for the inevitable.
We share this news now, so that we can avoid most conversations about the situation while it is still so fresh in our minds. We know God is good and we know He works all things for the good of those who love him, but it is still such a complete and full sorrow that at times it can and will be overwhelming.
We have not lost hope. We rejoice in God giving us the gift of conceiving and even still for allowing us the comfort of knowing that He now holds our baby.
Please, continue to pray for us during this time.
We love each and every one of you.
L & M
"The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away, Blessed be the name of the Lord."
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