Conviction.

⁸ Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. ⁹ What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you. (Phillipians 4:8-9; ESV)

This past week has been really rough. There was a lot going on. I have struggled in a certain "relationship." This whole middle-school-type drama has been playing out for past few weeks. I like peace and resolve. I like to pursue it, but not at the cost of my honesty or integrity. I'm not going to lie to make someone feel all-rosy and holy. So, I have spent several days thinking on how any of it could be improved. But it can't. I reached out. I was bitten. I was honest. I was called a liar. I tried.

Then Saturday night, I received word that my sweet cousin, Roy, had passed. He had been battling an incredibly aggressive metastatic melanoma for the past several months. I hadn't been able to get a hold of him this last week. I confess, I tried a few times, but I spent more time thinking on this rather bleak (and in the end meaningless) social tension.  As I have had time to think, I have been convicted.

I am spending more time thinking on someone with whom I have no actual relationship than I am on the people that I love and hold close to my heart.

I normally don't mince words, nor do I waste my time.

I have wasted my time on trying to make a really ridiculous social situation "better"...when (in all honesty), this "thing" means nothing to me in comparison to what Roy meant. And I spent more energy trying to make life palatable to them, than I did trying to connect with one of the sweetest guys that has every walked this planet (this past week).

So, I'm walking away from things unworthy. I am going to think on things and spend my life & time & attention on those things worthy of praise.

Roy's beautiful life. Worthy of praise. His love for his son. worthy of praise. His return home. Worthy of Praise.