Plenty and Want

I have been lucky that for most of my life, I've experienced times of plenty.

Plenty of loved ones near (or the ones that I needed near).

Plenty of friends.

Plenty of passionate community.

Plenty of life giving activities nearby.

Plenty of food.

Plenty of hope.

Plenty of laughter.

And yes, in retrospect (and comparison) plenty of money.

I am currently in a time of want.

I am wanting my family. I am wanting a few very dear and wonderful and close friends to be nearer to me (I miss you L&M). I am wanting passionate community. I am wanting a city that inspires me and brings me LIFE. I am NOT wanting for food (don't send money, Mom). I am wanting hope. I am wanting laughter. I am not wanting so much for money, but it would be so nice to have a little wiggle room or the ability to buy my kid a bike...or the ability to take a vacation that is not entirely funded by our parents.

I don't like to admit that I am wanting. It makes me feel weak and vulnerable. More so, I  fear that I will be judged as superficial by people who read this. I don't like being in perpetual want. I'm not particularly good at it. Right now, it certainly feels as though we are wanting for everything excepting health...and if you looked at our mental health, at times we would most definitely be wanting for that.

This is not to say, "Oh, woe is me!"

But to depserately approach the throne and cry, "Oh, Lord. You know my needs. I am still alive. I still draw breath. I have made it through these wanting and empty days. You've seen to it. Oh Father, thank you for sufficiency and for molding me and shaping me. I am glad you know what you're doing. I, however, have no idea what you are doing. No inkling. Not a clue. Please, walk me through this...and help me to kick the dust from my feet joyfully as soon as you call us to leave this season. But for now. I will walk. I will look for joy. I will look to you."