Less Words

Mind. Blown.

I recommend everyone just take their computer, tablet, internet router, and chuck them out the window. (Or at least box them up for a few weeks)

Stepping away (maybe not completely, but way the heck back) from Facebook and Email and Pinterest and Hulu was incredibly liberating...like forgetting your cell phone at home while out on a quick errand.

Suddenly, the only things "demanding" my time and attention were my kids (and several loads of laundry & dishes).

When the world isn't constantly calling to you...telling you that it needs a piece of you....there is suddenly a very whole and patient and giving person looking back at you in the mirror.

Quite miraculously, there is more of you to go around.

Not to mention, when you actually DO take the time to come back to the internet and all it's "glories," you realized that it's pretty bland, boring, uninspiring, and well...banal.

You feel slightly more confident - seeing as you have eliminated the majority of outside voices telling you what you should be doing.

Your eyes adjust to day light and aren't so bloodshot. You sit a little taller in your seat. Your neck doesn't ache at the end of each day. Your body quite literally shed a few of it's freakish mid-existence, technology-induced mutations.

FREEDOM

So, I come back to the land of the blog and implore you to close your computer, take the apps off your phones, stop looking like a mindless zombie to your kids, and LIVE.

I will continue to write - as I like to do it.

But, let me be at the bottom of your list...as I probably have nothing new to say and can promise you nothing overly entertaining.

My Mind is Working...

Overtime a bit lately. My mind is working overtime. All the time. Non-stop. Never-ending thoughts and questions and it is exhausting.

I meet with a group of women and we read books. The latest being Jen Hatmaker's "7." We are walking through seven months of taking something away in order to GAIN life. Real life. Real awesome life and freedom.  I like this book.

We are currently in our media month. Which means we take away media. I haven't posted on the blog due to this fast of sorts and I am likely to post much less during this month. The time away from my technology has been eye-opening and has revealed so much to both my husband and myself...and it's only been five days.

As, I have fled my computer (and namely, let's be honest, the internet), I have run to the WORD.

More, I have noticed a very real thirst to STUDY the word of God and not to just read through it. I reached out to a few folks that I know who study the Bible and they gave me some resources to aid in
my quest.

Because, see, as a woman...I have never been taught to STUDY the Bible. I have never been shown the steps or the process. I have been given reading guides. I have been offered the chance to learn from Beth Moore via DVD. I have been invited to countless topical groups. I have never once been pulled aside and walked through what actually individual studying of the word looks like.

So, these past five days, I have been ravenously reading the word, as well as reading books written to help me understand what my personal study should look like. I've been reading overviews and commentaries. I've really been having fun and more often then not, leaving feeling refreshed, uplifted, and completely TINY, miniscule, and undeserving of God's mere notice or affection.

It's a good feeling.

It's a feeling that has brought about a sort of righteous indignation....an anger. Why in the world is there not more out there for a THINKING woman?

Maybe there is and I have just not been pointed towards it. Maybe it's my fault for not knowing where to look. All of these are highly possible and likely.

But let's face it. If a young girl walks into a Christian bookstore, what is she to find? Not a single thing that teaches her the discipline of Bible study. (I totally admit that surely there is something, but it's nothing that she will automatically have offered to her by our current Christian culture).

You know what my life has looked like in Christian book titles that were thrust at me?

You're God's little Girl (Be Nice), You're God's Princess, Kiss Dating Good-Bye and (Whatever You Do) Don't Kiss, How to be God's Princess While You are Waiting on a Husband, How to Be a Godly Fiance, How to Be a Godly Wife, How to Pray for your Husband, How to Make Sure your Marriage Bed is Everything God Wants it to Be, How to Be a Godly Parent, How to be a Better Mom, How to Pray for Your Kids....

Seriously.

Almost every book ever recommended to me (as a woman) focuses on my role in someone else's life. Who I am to someone else.

And in all honesty, most of these books are books of the "self-help" persuasion that have been repackaged with a cross on the cover and a few Bible verses and quack science facts sprinkled at the beginning or end of each chapter.

What about who I am to God? Because, I'm pretty sure that if I am digging into His word and listening to His voice and focusing on KINGDOM issues instead of MY issues, that my big 'ol first world white girl issues will fade and my eyes will be opened to seeing what my Father sees.

And right now, I'm pretty turned-off by what I see.

I want my daughters to READ and STUDY the word. I want my family to be like a seminary. I want us to be able to discuss theology and deeper issues than "So, I should kiss dating good-bye, but then kiss it hello again when I find my husband?"

Does this make sense to ANYONE else? I need Jesus...not self-help. Because it is pretty darn transparent that I cannot help this self.

Is anyone else hungry? Hangry even?

Hot Yoga

I like to think of myself as fit. I like working out, but I certainly go through phases and am somewhat bipolar when it comes to a regime.

I love the results of exercise...endorphins are legal and oh-so-feel-good-drogas from our heavenly father. That's totally the scientific definition.

However, I also love surfing the internet and will find myself lost in a vortex of nothingness for hours on end. Buzzfeed quizzes are of the devil and (on a completely unrelated note) I know exactly which character I would be on every single NBC or FOX comedy. True story.

These two desires are a daily struggle. I would like to not have a pancake bottom...I would also like to watch my alter ego Liz Lemon win at life and eat hotdogs. She makes me feel normal. Blurgh.

I basically want all the things. But don't especially want to exert effort to get all the things (It sounds like terrible grammar, unless you get the reference).

Anyhow.

I'm back on my "we need to get healthy" kick. I took a break after losing 15 lbs earlier this year. Well, with approximately 7 of those lbs finding their way back to my middle and a family beach trip approaching...motivation hath been found.

So, a good friend invited me to her Hot Yoga class.

I've always wanted to try hot yoga and have really been wanting to go to an actual class in general - as opposed to just using my extensive video collection.

Had I known what I was in for...I would have canceled, accepted my fate as an 'out of shape' person, and cut myself a second piece of pie.

First, have you ever left your house in yoga tights? Yeah...me neither. No one should ever have to see me in pants that tight. FYI I definitely layered a few long shirts as to hide any offending areas.

Secondly, it's  by definition HOT. Layering for modesty comes to be seen as an antiquated and downright quaint practice whilst melting away to nothing and posed like a dolphin. I did refrain from stripping down to my undergarments, but I'm not going to say that the thought didn't cross my mind (it was a women's only class after all).

Thirdly, you have to stare at yourself in a mirror. Which is actually a very freeing process. For one, I now realize that some people look really graceful in the practice of yoga. I am not one of those people.  Did I mention that I do a great impression of an ostrich suffering from vertigo?

Fourthly (is that even a word?), you will leave your 45 minute torture session class knowing your limitations, respecting what your body can do, and feeling a huge sense of empowerment.

Fifthly, classes like this create a sisterhood. During the class I never once got the feeling that anyone was watching me or judging me. We were all collectively struggling against gravity and our mindsets (you try telling your mind that it's okay to get in some of those poses). We certainly did not have time to concern ourselves with the woman in too tight pants breathing heavily as she quietly sobbed in child's pose.

Sixthly (yeah, I'm just inventing adverbs now), I was brought to a place of reckoning. It is the place in all worthy endeavors where we think, "This is happening. I'm pretty sure I should turn back now. All signs are telling me 'DO NOT CONTINUE,' but I think the end result is worth it. I really don't want to do this. There is no way out. This is happening."

My places of reckoning have been transformative: my first day teaching, the day Matt and I moved to a city across the country site unseen, the moments I gave birth to my daughters (and the several hours leading up to them), and Hot Yoga.

Giggle if you must, but once you have committed to downward-triangle-hike-your-leg-over-your-neck-and-breath-pose...there is no getting out of that situation gracefully. One must endure.

What are your reckoning moments? 

Happy {Music} Friday