Inspiration

Not much inspires me lately, save anger. I have found that anger is an emotion that I connect with most willingly and on a regular basis. Sadly, I've recognized this fact for sometime...and knowing that if I have committed anger in my heart, I have then committed murder - It's a constant struggle with huge ramifications.

For sometime I have been looking into why I am constantly angry. No, seriously people, it's a lifestyle. I wake up angry at the world, I go to bed angry at the world - and on days when I actually try to be normal and joyful, I soon become disheartened by the overwhelming guilt of how angry I have allowed myself to be in the past. If that's my rep. - why try changing?

I have decided the following:

1. I am unsatisfied with my life and this would most certainly cause one to be angry.

Let's explore this further.

I recently took a job inventory which informed me that I am on the verge of "burn-out."
I'm married to a second year law student (not his fault), but I'm lonely.
I often will find myself watching television or movies or aimlessly searching the internet in the hopes of getting lost in other peoples stories - which are more fulfilling or entertaining than mine. I feel unfulfilled and robot-like. Yes, I'm using my 8 years of education - but in no way does my day to day life involve me actually being me or using original thought or imagination (unless it is me dreaming a way out of this life).

How do you fix it?

God.

I think that I have done a lot of things in my past....things I chose - God, would have had better for me. I think I'm currently suffering the consequences of those decisions. Never reject God's best...or follow the "logical" plan. I'm just now finally getting to the point of looking at my desires and how those are God given and I need to pay heed and not follow man's way. I can't imagine how happy I would be if I had not taken this huge detour.