Life as I know it

Life for the past 3 years has been....weird? I don't really know how else to explain it. I went back to school to get my M.Ed., I was engaged and married, I started my first "real" job, we purchased a house, We purchased 2 ferrets, we adopted 2 dogs, I got my degree, the husband started law school, we finally found a church, and we are currently up-to-date (I think).

So, maybe the past 3 years haven't been weird, but they have been hard and full of change. I usually flatter myself and say that I am quite adaptable and flexible due to the fact that I was an army brat; however, the simple truth is my spirit bucked the constant change throughout my childhood. I would throw fits and down right tantrums. I just wanted everything to be stable. I wanted everything to be consistent, on track, and normal.

God's really been showing me over the past few months just how wrong I've had it. I constantly fought moving and change as an older child - never thinking that God might have exactly that for me - that He was indeed preparing me. I've tried to follow the "normal" order of things: school, graduate school, job, marriage, etc. I wanted life to make sense. BUT as a child...before all these control issues started - I was really free. I've been fighting who God has made me to be my entire adult life.

An everyday example of this would be our house. My husband and I are both "messy" people - He's a genius and I'm creative; you do the math. Yet, I still feel some wicked compulsion to keep my house "perfect" - if it's not like a Martha Stewart cover, then I am not happy. This has ,unfortunately, led to many a fit of rage and tears - and it's just a house. Any time I feel like the time line I "should" be following is in jeopardy, I get very angry and fearful. My anger and fear feed off each other until I am nothing but a crying, aching, wretched body - stress personified.

Well, recently, I have taken a little bit of a step out onto the water, away from anything I might have planned. I started my own business: The Purple Martin. It's exciting and for the first time in months, I've smiled. I still get caught up in how the little and big things "should" evolve in my life, but I'm hoping that (God willing) the Lord will continue to show me how to live the life He has chosen, instead of that which the world has prescribed.

Pray for me through this growing season. Pray that anger and fear will no longer be footholds in my heart and please, feel free to post a comment about the footholds in your life that you are learning about, I will pray for you too.


  1. I have just discovered your blog, and I really appreciate your frankness. It is refreshing to read about a real person dealing with real life issues. While reading you blog(s) I sometimes feel like I am reading a page from my own life... Thank you for sharing your struggles and your victories.

  2. Thank you for the kind comments! I'm glad you are enjoying my random thoughts and musings.