When it rains, it pours...and I love singing in the rain.

So,  if you have read all of the two posts that I have written since we moved to Wyoming, you have probably noted a sense of solitude, loneliness, despair, anguish...discontentment. Discontentment is not a new thing to me...although at times, Wyoming has received the lion's share of the blame for it's current appearance. This (discontentment) has, in fact, been the state of my heart for the majority of my life.

As a kid it whined:
Why do we move so much?
Why can't I look different?
Why can't my family be normal?

and then it nagged:
Why don't I have a boyfriend?
Why can't I look different?
Why can't he ask me to marry him sooner?

and oh, how it grumbled:
Why can't we start a family NOW?
Why can't we be like that couple (and have a boat)?
Why are we moving so much? 
Why can't we get pregnant? 

The list goes on and on, but the overall theme just SCREAMS out from the page. Discontentment.

I used to think that it was a good thing - to always be in want of something better. It gave me a goal or something worth striving for. It isn't wrong to "never settle", right?  Well "yes" and "no." It's not a sin to say, "Oh, fill in the blank would be nice." It's another thing completely to become consumed by that thought...and worse to begrudge God in thinking that He is holding back His best from you. Now, I know that not too many people will openly admit to shaking their fists at God and questioning His design for their life...we have all done it (if not physically then certainly in our hearts). But the saddest thing to me looking back on my life (full of discontent) is that I could not see at the time God's incredible GOODNESS in that moment. That sweet moment that God was calling me to savor with Him...I spat on with my want and envy. Oh, wicked me.

Seriously, Paul even speaks about contentment in Philippians 4 and I think he would have labeled my life "cushy to the max" (or whatever that is in Aramaic). 

All this to say that I have been in Wyoming for a little over a year and a sweet friend reminded me last night of how when I first touched-base with her here, I was lonely and bitter and angry and miserable and discontent. She reminded me of this while at a book group, hosted at my house, surrounded by a group of wonderful women and close friends. She called to my mind all the growth that has happened. A new baby. God's miraculous protection of that baby. The healing of my body. The desperate state of my heart that has lead to a personal revival in my life. MOPs. Leadership opportunities. A brand new church. Two new businesses. CONTENTMENT.

I know that it is incredibly hard to read this during certain seasons of your life and not want to backhand the author. I get that. I was there for a very long time. But at risk of getting punched in the nose, let me encourage you to focus on the goodness that God is calling you too RIGHT NOW. Savor  that He is drawing you near. Know that He loves you.


  1. Anonymous3:49 PM

    Totally surrender to God is such a wonderful place to be! God used this to speak to me today about my attitude.

  2. Anonymous5:46 PM

    This was so good for my heart to hear this! Thank you for being so real...I am trying to get there. ;)

  3. This was a wonderful, refreshing yet painful reminder. Thank you girl. :)