Watermelon Bubblegum Frenzy

So, I'm pretty much sick of law school.
I'm over the excitement of something new and promising.
It's kind of like sampling something at Baskin Robbins.
You try out the "Watermelon Bubblegum Frenzy" - you don't commit.
Well, we committed.
Now it's just pure torture.
And "Watermelon Bubblegum Frenzy" is the hell we live in.
And I'm not even the law student.
My husband is.
I chose the "Mint Chocolate Chip" - the old standby.
But I encouraged the "Watermelon Bubblegum Frenzy"
And now by default my golden standard is tainted.
Tainted with red die and fake watermelon seeds made out of licorice.

I miss him.
I think I'm gonna go eat some ice cream.

Waiting....Hoping

I wait on a promise that was given years ago. Reaffirmed by prayers, scriptures, dreams, and words. It's not easy to wait or hope. The moments pass on into days, days morph into years, and the years become daunting obstacles that increase doubt and improbability. "27, 29...that would be 30." I calculate in my head, at times on my fingers - as though obsessing and obsessing and obsessing will bring it nearer...possible...secure.

While many understand - most don't. The terror, the fear - mostly the fear and an uncontrollable sadness. They well up - tears in my soul and spirit. My life, beautiful and promising, fulfilling?...lacking. Desires of others, opinions of outsiders, these take priority.

Silly girl, why are you worried? Silly girl, not yet. Not now. Not ever. Not until it's convenient.

I've never known dreams to come easily on the wings of convenience, nor miracles. I have only seen them come in their due time. But dreams and miracles, unwanted - obstructed - delayed, often times never come at all.

Wifedom

I see in you a wisdom, beauty, and grace
It brings into shadow the efforts and play-acting of lesser men.
You stand alone.

Strong, compassionate...a true man.
Feeling, thinking, never mocking - never the fool.
I see you with truthful eyes.

I know your faults and your failings -
Built your character
It awes all who know you.

In you I see hope
For the future -
In you a hope for leadership in a wicked and lost generation.

I do not know what you see.
I do not know why you see it.
I only know that what you see is dark and perverse.

A twisted image of your flaws.
A cloud which draws from joy only potent, bitter disappointment -
insatiable , it is all consuming - stealing from you a well fought victory

Turn and weep
You cannot see
The man you have become - the man you are

He waits alone
A realization unacknowledged, unaccepted
For your embrace.