I wait on a promise that was given years ago. Reaffirmed by prayers, scriptures, dreams, and words. It's not easy to wait or hope. The moments pass on into days, days morph into years, and the years become daunting obstacles that increase doubt and improbability. "27, 29...that would be 30." I calculate in my head, at times on my fingers - as though obsessing and obsessing and obsessing will bring it nearer...possible...secure.

While many understand - most don't. The terror, the fear - mostly the fear and an uncontrollable sadness. They well up - tears in my soul and spirit. My life, beautiful and promising, fulfilling?...lacking. Desires of others, opinions of outsiders, these take priority.

Silly girl, why are you worried? Silly girl, not yet. Not now. Not ever. Not until it's convenient.

I've never known dreams to come easily on the wings of convenience, nor miracles. I have only seen them come in their due time. But dreams and miracles, unwanted - obstructed - delayed, often times never come at all.

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