Hubby and I are proceeding with the plan that we will not be in the same place this time next year...and now the itch comes.
It happens most of the time an Army brat gets wind of a move: Disconnect, Disassociate, Disown, and Disengage...pretty much the same action over and over and over.
There are a few things that are making it pretty easy to slip into this pattern right now.
1) A back injury tends to take a lot of time...so, you understandably don't have time for other things. This make isolation easy to achieve.
2) A work environment where you're not really respected leads to the majority of your day being spent in a place you would rather leave...so...that's a pretty easy slip, as well.
These are just things I am feeling today...So, I'm griping. I'll get over it. I know God has a plan...and I am 100% sure that this plan involves a move - I'm glad God is making it easy.
10.27.2008
10.25.2008
Hillcrest Orchard
Last weekend we ventured up to the northern part of our lovely state to celebrate the apple festival at Hillcrest Orchards with some friends of ours. The drive was really lovely. We had to stop on the way up so that I could stretch my legs and do some exercises for my back, but it was fun.
We arrived at the Orchards and immediately took care of some urgent business.
The food was tasty. We had BBQ sandwiches, hot dogs, apple fritters, fried apple pie, and apple doughnuts. I washed it all down with a lovely mug of hot apple cider.
It was off to the races after lunch - the PIG races. We actually watched baby piggies race. They were really cute.
After the pig races we headed to the petting zoo and the pony rides...and then it hit me that these animals (even the baby piggies) looked pretty unhappy, miserable, and mistreated. It definitely cast a huge dark cloud over the event.
We checked out the moonshine museum....at the children's area (???) and to be perfectly honest I couldn't really focus on the moonshine trivia because the smell of human excrement pretty much overpowered everything in the small shack. It was only when I walked out of the small shack and saw a pipe oozing what appeared to be solid waste into the orchard that we decided to not buy any apples.
Now, this all being said...We had a great time with our friends...but, it made me mourn the loss of something wonderful and natural that has been forced into some kind of dirty, cheap, entertainment - just to make a buck.
We arrived at the Orchards and immediately took care of some urgent business.
The food was tasty. We had BBQ sandwiches, hot dogs, apple fritters, fried apple pie, and apple doughnuts. I washed it all down with a lovely mug of hot apple cider.
It was off to the races after lunch - the PIG races. We actually watched baby piggies race. They were really cute.
After the pig races we headed to the petting zoo and the pony rides...and then it hit me that these animals (even the baby piggies) looked pretty unhappy, miserable, and mistreated. It definitely cast a huge dark cloud over the event.
We checked out the moonshine museum....at the children's area (???) and to be perfectly honest I couldn't really focus on the moonshine trivia because the smell of human excrement pretty much overpowered everything in the small shack. It was only when I walked out of the small shack and saw a pipe oozing what appeared to be solid waste into the orchard that we decided to not buy any apples.
Now, this all being said...We had a great time with our friends...but, it made me mourn the loss of something wonderful and natural that has been forced into some kind of dirty, cheap, entertainment - just to make a buck.
10.22.2008
Changes Are in the Air
Fall is upon us....okay, so technically it just dropped below 85, but that's pretty much fall here. We did have our first bit of frosty morning earlier this week, which means the pot mums my mom bought me a few weeks ago won't survive much longer (sad).
Back to the topic at hand.
Fall (or near fall as we have established) always brings change for me or thoughts of change. In our household these days there is a lot of tension. There have been whispers of change and rumors of new things and the two of us find ourselves at a crossroads and I have the distinct impression that we have been here for longer than we realize. I know that I have been at this same spot prior to even getting married - that whole marriage thing bought me some time; but here I am again on the precipice of the completely unknown and highly intimidating. What's a girl to do - what are a girl and boy to do?
We've been praying about EVERYTHING. I feel like I have been praying about EVERYTHING, eagerly expecting a certified letter in the mail from God explaining his plan for me since the beginning of time until its end. This, I know is not going to happen...I can hear my wise momma saying, "God doesn't give you the ticket until you are ready to board, sweet girl." These are things I know...I know them. I also know that God is faithful. I KNOW he is. That doesn't mean that He gives me what I want when I want it. It does mean that He is watching over me and, contrary to my very human thoughts, He knows exactly where hubby and I will be this time next year. That's comforting.
"I lift my eyes to the hills - where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip - he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed he who watches over you will neither slumber nor sleep. "
Back to the topic at hand.
Fall (or near fall as we have established) always brings change for me or thoughts of change. In our household these days there is a lot of tension. There have been whispers of change and rumors of new things and the two of us find ourselves at a crossroads and I have the distinct impression that we have been here for longer than we realize. I know that I have been at this same spot prior to even getting married - that whole marriage thing bought me some time; but here I am again on the precipice of the completely unknown and highly intimidating. What's a girl to do - what are a girl and boy to do?
We've been praying about EVERYTHING. I feel like I have been praying about EVERYTHING, eagerly expecting a certified letter in the mail from God explaining his plan for me since the beginning of time until its end. This, I know is not going to happen...I can hear my wise momma saying, "God doesn't give you the ticket until you are ready to board, sweet girl." These are things I know...I know them. I also know that God is faithful. I KNOW he is. That doesn't mean that He gives me what I want when I want it. It does mean that He is watching over me and, contrary to my very human thoughts, He knows exactly where hubby and I will be this time next year. That's comforting.
"I lift my eyes to the hills - where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip - he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed he who watches over you will neither slumber nor sleep. "
10.17.2008
No more traction (insert maniacal laugh here)
Yesterday, I began what I think is the fourth week of my physical therapy. I was thrilled with my PT when she stated that we would be weening me off of traction.
Enter the inversion table.
So, I spent 3 minutes upside down - very relaxing. I now know what a balloon feels like right before it's going to *POP.* My PT told me that we'll be working up to 5 minutes. Joy and rapture.
She then took me to some kind of pulsing magnet - who knows what - but it was awesome. If it had been a little stronger, it would feel like being tattooed (I think, I've never had a tattoo).
Anyhow, all the stuff seems to be working because I've gone about 2 weeks with a relatively small amount of pain...I think at this moment I'm just holding my breath - as though all of my health is walking on a tight wire...and if I sneeze or cough or exhale, it will all blow up in my face.
Enter the inversion table.
So, I spent 3 minutes upside down - very relaxing. I now know what a balloon feels like right before it's going to *POP.* My PT told me that we'll be working up to 5 minutes. Joy and rapture.
She then took me to some kind of pulsing magnet - who knows what - but it was awesome. If it had been a little stronger, it would feel like being tattooed (I think, I've never had a tattoo).
Anyhow, all the stuff seems to be working because I've gone about 2 weeks with a relatively small amount of pain...I think at this moment I'm just holding my breath - as though all of my health is walking on a tight wire...and if I sneeze or cough or exhale, it will all blow up in my face.
10.08.2008
A Bit of Happy
New haircut. Thank you Chrissy for making my day and possibly my week. I couldn't have sat in a beautician's chair without fidgeting and trying to get comfortable. I'm so thankful that I had a friend who (A) does awesome hair and could (B) understand why in the world I was moving my feet so much.
Please, God...please
God,
Today I am hurting.
My body aches and fights against me. Simple tasks have become overwhelming.
I'm so efficient and capable and independent and now, I'm nothing.
I limp to my destinations and I whimper in the most simple of moments and I am weak.
I don't know how to admit that "I can't" - I'm scared to death that those I am saying it to will not understand.
I need you.
I need healing.
I need you to come down on all of my life and take it.
I try to carry everything all the time and it's manifested physically into a broken back.
I don't know how to do it anymore.
I don't know how to make it through another day.
Each day becomes more and more unbearable.
I thank you for wanting to teach me.
I thank you for wanting to break me.
I thank you for the few bright moments you give me during the day that give me hope.
Guide my broken body to a place of redemption, refreshment, rest and healing.
Amen
Today I am hurting.
My body aches and fights against me. Simple tasks have become overwhelming.
I'm so efficient and capable and independent and now, I'm nothing.
I limp to my destinations and I whimper in the most simple of moments and I am weak.
I don't know how to admit that "I can't" - I'm scared to death that those I am saying it to will not understand.
I need you.
I need healing.
I need you to come down on all of my life and take it.
I try to carry everything all the time and it's manifested physically into a broken back.
I don't know how to do it anymore.
I don't know how to make it through another day.
Each day becomes more and more unbearable.
I thank you for wanting to teach me.
I thank you for wanting to break me.
I thank you for the few bright moments you give me during the day that give me hope.
Guide my broken body to a place of redemption, refreshment, rest and healing.
Amen
10.07.2008
Hanging on by a thread
So, this weekend was awesome for morale at our house. My parents came up for a visit and I LOVE when my parents visit. They hang out and we talk and laugh and eat and talk and laugh and eat. It's comforting and comfortable and honestly, one of the best feelings in the world. They are my people...I see me in them and them in me and it's just a deep breath.
I thought this wonderful visit would bode well for the upcoming week...alas I was utterly wrong.
Yesterday was my fourth session of physical therapy. We did the machines, the elliptical, pelvic realignment, and my personal favorite TRACTION. For any of you who have heard this word thrown around haphazardly in medical type dramas, soap operas, and films - let me enlighten you as to what this describes. I am specifically referring to spinal traction.
"Spinal traction is a treatment option that is based on the
application of a longitudinal force to the axis of the spinal
column. In other words, parts of the spinal column are
'pulled' in opposite directions in order to stabilize or change
the position of damaged aspects of the spine."
In my case, they lay me on a table, strap my trunk into what can only be described as a medical, industrial type corset, strap my arms down, put my legs up on a stool, strap the stool to a device which will pull my legs away from my trunk, and press the "on" button. During the next 20 minutes I will be pulled like taffy for a minute or two and then given brief 30 second intervals of respite. I hate this part of physical therapy. I always leave in more pain then when I came in...and it doesn't seem to be working. I told this to my therapist...and we're gonna give it a few more rounds before we completely right it off.
WARNING: incoming small mental breakdown (Screaming in my head: Are you kidding me?! Are you kidding me? Really!? We're going to give it a few more times? I don't see you being strapped down like a crazy person and pulled on like a bone by a rabid dog! Let's completely disregard the fact that I felt great after my first physical therapy session and that I had almost a complete loss of symptoms...when we didn't use traction. But I guess the fact that my body revolts and I can barely walk afterwards, and I'm popping loritab and muscle relaxers like they're candy is just all in my head - this traction thing is REALLY where it's at.)
Well, after my pulling session, I made my way home (slowly) where I spent the remainder of the evening lying on the floor in the only comfortable position I could find grading papers, watching TV, and doing my at home PT - interrupted by brief moments of painful movement when I wanted to be useful...but, was immediately ordered to sit back down as it usually results in me making more work for sweet husband.
Today I sign into my medical savings account - and I've been reimbursed twice and my insurance has still to make the claims to my doctor....A bad back is bad enough...but, having to make sure others do their job correctly is ridiculous.
I thought this wonderful visit would bode well for the upcoming week...alas I was utterly wrong.
Yesterday was my fourth session of physical therapy. We did the machines, the elliptical, pelvic realignment, and my personal favorite TRACTION. For any of you who have heard this word thrown around haphazardly in medical type dramas, soap operas, and films - let me enlighten you as to what this describes. I am specifically referring to spinal traction.
"Spinal traction is a treatment option that is based on the
application of a longitudinal force to the axis of the spinal
column. In other words, parts of the spinal column are
'pulled' in opposite directions in order to stabilize or change
the position of damaged aspects of the spine."
In my case, they lay me on a table, strap my trunk into what can only be described as a medical, industrial type corset, strap my arms down, put my legs up on a stool, strap the stool to a device which will pull my legs away from my trunk, and press the "on" button. During the next 20 minutes I will be pulled like taffy for a minute or two and then given brief 30 second intervals of respite. I hate this part of physical therapy. I always leave in more pain then when I came in...and it doesn't seem to be working. I told this to my therapist...and we're gonna give it a few more rounds before we completely right it off.
WARNING: incoming small mental breakdown (Screaming in my head: Are you kidding me?! Are you kidding me? Really!? We're going to give it a few more times? I don't see you being strapped down like a crazy person and pulled on like a bone by a rabid dog! Let's completely disregard the fact that I felt great after my first physical therapy session and that I had almost a complete loss of symptoms...when we didn't use traction. But I guess the fact that my body revolts and I can barely walk afterwards, and I'm popping loritab and muscle relaxers like they're candy is just all in my head - this traction thing is REALLY where it's at.)
Well, after my pulling session, I made my way home (slowly) where I spent the remainder of the evening lying on the floor in the only comfortable position I could find grading papers, watching TV, and doing my at home PT - interrupted by brief moments of painful movement when I wanted to be useful...but, was immediately ordered to sit back down as it usually results in me making more work for sweet husband.
Today I sign into my medical savings account - and I've been reimbursed twice and my insurance has still to make the claims to my doctor....A bad back is bad enough...but, having to make sure others do their job correctly is ridiculous.
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